Terminally Unemployed

Well hello there duckies.  I know it's been...forever (well 6 months, but who's counting?!) since I last blogged.   And guess what?  You know I have tons of sass to give you. I missed you all so dearly, but not as much as I missed my sanity.  Sadly in August of 2011 I was yet again admitted to the hospital because of another bipolar episode.

No I wasn't in a straight jacket (or chains, LOL) during anytime of my stay and I actually turned myself in this time.  I was in the hospital for a little over a month. I think the exact dates were August 5th to September 15th...or something like that.  I do know my release date is accurate.  Anyway this time around was different because I actually knew where I was and why I was there.  My previous hospitalization was such a disaster because the care there was sub-par and I had to grasp the fact that I was actually having a mental breakdown and couldn't go home until the doctors thought I wasn't a hazard to society.

I don't know if I mentioned this before but to clear the air I do think I was possessed the first time I had my mental breakdown...but this time around, I felt invincible.  Like the invincible feeling you get when you're drunk and every song that comes on is your jam.  I just felt like nothing could stop me and I didn't give a shitake mushroom about what others thought about my actions.  I would go to the gym and flirt with the hot staff at the front desk.  I would dance in front of everyone there too...AND EVEN IN THE STREETS.

It even got to a point where I walked around my neighborhood with a stuffed animal snake around my neck and used it as a dancing prop.  I seriously felt as sexy as Britney Spears when she performed at the 2001 VMAs with that yellow boa constrictor...but I know I looked crazy Britney.

Anyway, my stay in the hospital taught me a lot.  The main lesson is I can't run from what I am and it's only when I accept everything about myself that I can move on with my life, to live the dream.  (And that I need to take my meds too, LOL!)

So for the past six months I've been trying to cope with being bipolar and what the rest of my life would be like with it. I have a psychiatrist and a therapist and things seem to being going well.  I'm also on the hunt for a job.  I will not work as a waiter or anything pertaining to retail, no offense to those working in either industry.  I'm sorry I just can't do it.

I would be the most horrible waiter because I swear profusely and I do not have balance when it comes to juggling plates.  Retail is just a nightmare.  I worked for the NBA store last year, from December to February and I would pray before every day of work to get fired.  

Luckily, the store was shutting down in February and I didn't have to deal with that hellhole anymore.  But yeah, I'm still on the hunt for employment.  I've received a few bites here and there but nothing solid.  I have an appointment to meet a very promising temp agency that specializes in administrative positions, which is straight-up my alley.  Put me at a desk with a computer for eight hours a day and you've got me.  I seriously love administrative and clerical work!  (Did I ever mention that I have a secret obsession with filing? Like it's kind of sad. If something needs to be filed, I'm all over it.)

Speaking of all over it, since I haven't been employed I've been trying to be all over boys.  I actually liked a few of them.  I even dated one of them...but that ended because the bastard didn't pay me any attention after we became "sexually exclusive."  And trust me, I am a sex god.  I am an incubus.  But relationships of any kind don't last just because of sex. 

Here are some of the reasons why my past relationships haven't worked for me.

Reason 1: I attract bisexual men.

I seriously don't know why but bisexual men always find their way into my life.  Maybe it's my perky and lovely manboobs.  Maybe it's my pretty, glowing face.  I just don't know!  But men who like girls and guys tend to be a dominant fixture in my life.  So you know what?  If you're bi, good-bye.  If you like girls, do a swirl.  If you like vagina, I'm not gonna sign ya.  If you like...okay, you guys get the point.

Reason 2: I fall for guys so fast and hard.

There's something so passionate and possessive about me when I become interested in someone.  Even if I've only been talking to them for days, hours, or seconds; if I feel a connection with you...I immediately see a future with them.  It's not like "oh-yaaay-he's-gonna-be-my-husband" kind of thing, (only for Vin Diesel...and if you're reading this pleeeeeease contact me Vincent. Thanks.)  It's the "I-can-actually-see-myself-waking-up-next-to-him-in-the-morning-and-actually-not-try-to-slip-out-the-door-but-actually-smile-and-kiss-him-before-I-make-him-breakfast" kind of feeling.

I'm actually feeling that way about another boy but he doesn't live in New York...but I think it's too early for me to like him.  He seems like a pretty cool dude.  He's fucking adorable, he has THE sexiest voice, and our sense of humor seem identical.  The catch is he lives thousands of miles away and I've only been talking to him since SATURDAY! Eeeeek!

(and lastly) Reason 3: I get bored easily with boys.

I am like a little puppy.

I need attention.  Not too much, but if I text you I expect you to text me back; not immediately but at least before the day is over.  I take getting to know guys very seriously and if it seems like I'm not getting enough attention, I get bored.  I'm not the average dude.  You gotta keep up with me brotha-friend.  I'm the playful little puppy that you adopted and now it's time to give me some time and some love.

In other events, I really want to get a puppy. If I had a job I'd have one by now. My family is willing to get me the puppy but they're not willing to buy him food and stuff, which is reasonable since I'm pretty much the puppy of the house. I poop everywhere, I eat everything, I take naps, I'm loud, and I bite people. LOL

OMG! Have you guys ever heard about the cutest dog in the world? His name is Boo.  He is this Pomeranian that has this extreme haircut (he's basically shaved all the way down, to make him look all fuzzy) and he looks like a little teddy bear!  Look at him!

Click here to watch a video of him on YouTube!

I want a dog just as cute as him...but that won't happen until my own money starts flowing in.  But when I do get a dog my future boyfriend better watch out because he will be the love of my life.  He will be my baby and I'm going to spoil him and make him the most fabulous, and the sassiest dog ever.  (I was thinking of naming him Bolton, Bolt for short.)

In other news, one of my best friends is currently crashing at my house.  He's been here since late November and it's been an experience...and that's all I'm going to share right now lol.  (I just can't wait 'til my house is my house again, no offense.)

My little sister is in her second semester of college now.  Like WTF?!  Didn't you just have your sweet 16? Oh, that's right you're only 17.  She won't be able to legally drink until grad school but until then GET CRAZY!

Being unemployed sucks because I can't go out and party with my friends as much and Gabriel is nothing without his sexy & sassy friends.  My best friend Elle Fox had a birthday party this past Friday and I couldn't make it because I didn't even have money for a MetroCard.  Do you know how broke that is? That's like "I-should-be-on-the-streets-asking-for-change" broke.

Elle, I've been trying to reach you and I really hope you're not mad at me for not being able to make it.  You know how tight things are with my funds are right now.  I can't even buy flowers right now.  I love you with all my heart and I really hope my missing your party hasn't put a damper on our friendship because I cannot see my life without you.

The same goes out to my soulmate Nora, my fabulous friends Mallory, Lauren, and Laurene.  You sexy ladies were in town and I was too broke to joke (aka party).  When things swing in my favor I will most definitely make it up.

But I have a feeling 2012 has a lot in store for me.  I know, I know it's so cliche to say something like that about a new year...but I sincerely feel like my close to 24 years on this planet is going to have a significant impact on myself and those around me.

Okay, enough of my babbling. Here are some Words of Wisdom. (You may have seen this on my FaceBook page if you've been stalking me. It's okay. I stalk you too.)

"Sometimes you think the world is full of sunshine & rainbows, but then you see the gray clouds looming over you.  But you know what you gotta do?  Get your ass some rainboots, a sassy umbrella, and some Ray-Bans because the only person holding you back in yourself.  Dance in the fucking rain, baby-angel!"

If you guys haven't purchased Rihanna's album "Talk That Talk" either go shoot yourself in the foot or get it now.

It's insanely amazing!

Okay duckies, I think that's enough for today.  I will try my best to keep this updated as much as possible. If you aren't following me already, follow my everyday adventures on Twitter: @sassme.  I love you for reading.

Stay classy. Stay sassy. Stay true.

-Gabriel Anderson

The Return of Gabriel Anderson: Part Three**

**(Duckies, first off sorry for the tardiness. Blogging on an iPad is a troublesome thing. I finised this post last night but when I saved it and tried to edit it from the beginning it wasn't allowing me to scroll down the text box; instead the entire screen would just move, frozen. It was ridiculous. Anyway, here's the post.)

Hi sexy.
Today was such a fabulous day. My work day went by incredibly fast. Coordinating my birthday for nearly the entire day could be the cause.
For all those who were invited to my 23rd birthday party, stay close to your phones. Something very important is going to happen on August 12th @1PM. I repeat, ON AUGUST 12th, 2011 @ 1PM a surprise will be sent to those who confirmed their RSVP. (Step 1 was purely FaceBook, so I could get a rough estimate. Step 2 is contacting me via phone, telling me you have this day in your calendar. And everyone should wear helmets because I'm gonna blow ya minds!
Corny? BLEH.

Oh, duckies whenever I come across something that I dislike, in any situation, I say "BLEH!"
I'm blogging from my iPad and I don't feel like doing the crazy process of much uploading and editing pictures. So this will just be (mainly) text-heavy.

You've been forewarned.

I'm currently house-sitting & dog-sitting in West Harlem for one my fabulous soulmates: Courtney.
I was drinking Merlot and watching Tosh.O in my undies not too long ago.
Courtney's off visiting the rest of her sassy clan out of town.
OMGaGa! The funniest thing happened today.
I was at work and I was leaving the office to go to lunch. Immediately after I open the door my eyes go straight to the floor. There was money right across from the door, next to the lockers in the hallway. I checked the hallway and no one was coming.
By the time I locked the door, a fabulous Asian doctor is in front of the lockers, about two inches right of the discarded dollar bills.
She was facing the lockers and didn't seem to notice the money. With her back to me I though of the quickest solution. I walked a little to the left of her and dropped my wallet, not too far away from the money. And my reactio of speech was, "Oh-My-G0d. This is crazy," which got the doctor's attention.
She looked at me smiling, replying, "I could keep it."
And I just laughed and walked away with...four dollars.
Yaaaaay!

That doesn't happen.
Enough of my day, let's get to Part Three of "The Return of Gabriel Anderson."

My body felt so weak. I could hardly keep my balance or speak. My entire being was being drained. I was slowly feeling myself fading. My life source was depleting. I couldn't feel my feet. My legs felt like they were vibrating because of how much I was trembling. I was incredibly hot and freezing at the same time. It was a struggle to stay conscious. I couldn't really move my arms and my thoughts were slow. But a voice in my head told me to get help.
Then I realized the presence of the entity that made me do things was gone. I was so happy that I nearly fell to the floor.
I could finally relax...but I knew I couldn't do that.
Within the past three hours, I had taken six pills for a hyperactive disorder and drank an entire bottle of red wine. Plus I was dehydrated from dancing in the hot sun, in the backyard.
Relaxing would mean the end.
The next thing I remember was walking to my room and right before I closed the door my grandma came into our house.
She looked at me and knew I wasn't well. Her first words were "Something told me to come upstairs."
I said "I think I need to go to the hospital," before closing my door to take off my clothes.
I needed to be naked. I needed nothing constricting me. But I left my underwear on because I knew my grandma would come in.
I laid on the bed and stopped trying to control my body.
I was slipping away and right before I blacked out I reached out to God.
"Please, take me."
I woke up a few minutes later to knock of my door. I felt wet. I looked down and I noticed that one side of my boxer briefs were a different color and my mattress pad felt drenched. I told my grandma she could come in, but my voice came out strangled. It sounded like i said "Chum een." When she walked in I placed my hand on the wet spot on the mattress pad, and lifted my hand to sniff it.
It didn't have smell. I pissed out water.
She looked at me, and her eyes held such disgust and worry.
"Ganriel, oh my God, we need to get you to the hospital. Do you need help getting dressed?"
I shook my head.
She left the room, grabbing one of the house phones from my shelf behind the door, to call a cab.
It took me about ten minutes to put on a pair of briefs, jeans, a Bloomingdales t-shirt, and Bloomingdales sneakers.
I was dying. I wasn't going out like bum. I wanted a fabulous picture for my obituary.

The cab company got us a cab in three minutes. We got in the cab and I couldn't seem to focus on any thoughts. So I grabbed my grandma's hand and reached out to God again.
"God, I'm sorry. I need you now. Please keep me."
Suddenly, I felt overcome with a sense of serenity and I was clear-headed. I was now able to focus but I had to concentrate to keep awake.
To keep myself busy I read whatever words I saw in the cab: it's stickers, the license information, cab passenger rights, and other sings...aloud. And then I told my grandma what was flowing through my system.

Whem we got to the hospital, my grandma sped into the Emergency Room. I dragged behind her and when I got through the doors, she pointed to me and said' "this is him."
Two nurses in blue scrubs rushed me through several sets of double doors to a large space.
In the middle of the large space was a circular medical counter with about fifteen nurses and doctors, who were manning computers, medical supplies, and phones. Surrounding the circular counter was an outer circle of a lot of people in hospital gowns. They were on stretchers and hooked to IVs. Each person had a section blocked off with curtais, to give the illusion of privacy. But only the sides were divided, leaving the front of the curtained "rooms" open and easy to observe from the circular medical counter.

The baby blue nurses led me to an open curtained "room" and left me to a different nurse, one dressed  in red, who handed me a blue hospital gown, green floor-ribbed socks, and a blue bag to put my clothes in.
I closed my curtain so I could change. My grandma was in there with me, while I got naked.
I'm not comfortable with being naked in front of family members but nakedness was the lesser evil today. I needed to survive.
After changing I laid on the stretcher and a blue nurse began talking to me. She gave me a breathing test, an ECG (Echocardiogram: Basically a sonogram that's used for your heart.), and then they hooked me up to an IV.
A very pretty nurse in blue came to give me a tetnus booster. Did I mention I scraped a quarter of the front skin off of my right big toe, while walking around barefoot in the neighborhood?
It looked disgusting and it hurt like shit.
I couldn't help but talk to the pretty nurse.

My absolute weakness is...a gorgeous woman. I would do close to anything for one. (Example: My soulmate Nora. This girl is so beautiful. Her irises are like whirlwind of the richest blues, cenetered around the most shapely pupils. Her rosy skin, sprinkled with freckales. Her beautiful, free, and lively hair. And that smile. It's such a delight to have this amazing person in my life. She's genuine. She's #1.)

Sorry. I'm a writer. Sometimes I have to stop and paint pictures with my words.
Back to the story.
So I started talking to the nurse."

"How bad is it?" I asked.
"It's not bad but it could get infected fast."
"Okay, do it."
She passed me a clear Liter mesauring cup, filled with cold water and crushed ice, which is my absolute favortie. Crushed ice makes the world go 'round.
She prepared the needle and to keep my mind off what she was doing, I sparked a convrsation. But I was feeling so relaxed. Too relaxed.
I don't know what they put in that IV, but I was "So Happy I Could (Have) Die(d)."

"What's your name?" I asked her.
"Val."
"Nice to meet you Val. Thanks for taking care of me."
She stopped preparing the shot and looked at me. She smiled and it grew into something glorious. I was happy that I made her happy.
"Val, you're really pretty."
Her smile beamed at me, while her cheeks grew pink.
"Thank you...she looked at my chart...Antoine."
"It's tru-"
She gave me the shot.

Suddenly my heart started racing and I couldn't catch my breath. I poured the ice cold water on my head to shock my body into being calm. It backfired. I started shaking as if I was a part of an individual earthquake. I knew this was the end.
I looked up to the lights, and notcied one hallogen bulb wasn't on. I looked into and I could see my reflection.
Tears started streaming down my face and I made my peace with God.

"Just take me. I'm ready."
Then words--that weren't my own--replied to my reflection, coming out of my mouth:

"I have you my child."

Then it went black.