Going GaGa

'Ello duckies!  I hope all is well on your end because everything is fantastical on mine.

(I don't think you realize how hard it is to draw/write in pink paintbrush strokes, like that.  I'm even proud of myself.)

Duckies, I am so tired because I sat through my first day of Orientation at Bed Bath and Beyond.  I was there from 8:45AM until about 2AM, just listening to people speak for hours...but I know I'm going to love my job!

Not only does the job seem like so much fun and the people seem so nice...my new fellow co-workers are sooooo hot, especially this one dude.

God, I really hope he's not like younger than 21 because I do not plan on robbing the cradle: not my cup of tea, thank you very much.  

He's so gorgeous and we had to sit close to each other the whole day and I was literally in heaven because he has the most gorgeous smile and I can tell he's a cool guy.  Plus, he kept trying to talk to me during Orientation and kept laughing at things I laughed at too...okay maybe because actual funny things did happen during Orientation.

We had to watch this video about training (i.e. standing on ladders, how to properly lift boxes, open boxes, etc.) and you know how most training videos are so tongue-in-cheek corny and old.  Well he and I (and the other cool kids) were laughing pretty much the entire video.

The jokes weren't like "The Big Bang Theory" or "GIRLS" kind of funny, but the lack of comedy and overall trying to make a joke happen made the video funnier than its original purpose.  It was more like we were laughing at the video than with it.

Oh my jumping jack Jesus, did you guys see the season finale "GIRLS" last night?  I cried legit THREE times watching it. 

(If you don't want to read about any spoilers than you should skip all of the red colored text.)

I cried when Ray and Shoshana finally called it quits because Shosh couldn't put up with Ray's lack of "ambition."  I kind of agree with Shoshana's "plight" though.  I feel as though Ray didn't really like anything but her, as she stated, and had no interest in bettering his life.  Granted, I'm 24 going on 25 in August but I'm trying to make shit happen with my life.  Ray is in his early thirties and still hasn't gotten his shit together or even had an inkling to what his shit should even look like.

Another part where I cried was when Marnie stopped dicking around and admitted to Charlie how she really felt about him and he said, "That's all I ever wanted to hear."  Like seriously?!  Marnie and Charlie are the cutest couple because Charlie is so handsome and endearing, whereas Marnie is so beautiful and timidly blunt (if there's even such a thing).  Sorry to jump to last week's episode but Marnie's version of Kanye West's "Stronger" was fucking hilarious.  Click here to watch it! LOL

(Did anyone notice Shoshana in the background, while Marnie was singing? She's in this picture if you look closely.)

And the last part that made me cry was when Adam ran (and took a train) to Hannah's house because he knew she wasn't in her right state of mind.  Mind you he did this shirtless and he practically "FaceTimed" with her until he had to kick down her front door and pick her up in his big, strong arms...to passionately kiss her.

I was so moved by last night's episode of "GIRLS" that right after watching it, I ran into my younger sister's room and said, "That was so beautiful."  But while saying it I couldn't hold back my tears and I started crying and she was like "Awww, you're really crying right now?!" I laid my head in her lap for like twenty-seconds and let out my silent tears and tiny bursts of laughter...but between those tears I felt a wash of loneliness.  

Although "GIRLS" is fictitious and well-written, I wish my life were more like it.  I can relate to pretty much every character on the show.  I can say that I have a mental disorder that effects my daily life.  I can say that I have a father that didn't pay much attention to me when I was younger.  I can say that I used to push people that truly loved me away sometime ago.  But now I can say that I want that real love: the love that hurts and makes you do nice things for them, even though they called you a name ten minutes ago.  I was so moved by that episode of "GIRLS" that I wrote a poem; more like spewed my raw emotions onto my iPhone.  I entitled it "Together," like the title of the season finale of "GIRLS."

Speeding toward the light and promise of you,

I can only feel my wings taking turns lifting my heart.

You are the answer.

I am the world.

Love for us isn't forever.  Love for us is now and tomorrow. 

My love burns for you and you cool me down with the simplest of touches.

I need to roll in your desire and wrap myself in your need.

This is forever us.

Together, we are.

So yeah, I was definitely feeling the love bug last night.  I've been single for quite awhile now and I'm just tired of playing the single, slutty game where I just find temporary romance, only after fucking someone's brains out.

Meaningless sex has become such a common thing in my life that sometimes I have sex just because I don't feel like masturbating.  But you know what?  I need to stop that!  If I want to find love I need to shut off my hormones and start thinking with my heart and not my...

Oh!  I saw this word the other day and I thought I'd share it with you as a "WORD OF THE WEEK."  (Yeah, that was random...but you should know me by now.)

This WORD OF THE WEEK is...

Askhole (pronounced "ehsk-ho-la") - One who asks for advice when in dilemmas, only to go against it; one who does the opposite of what is advised.

Ex: Person 1 - "Henry always does the same thing.  If you tell him to stay home, he'll want to hang out.  If you tell him to hang out, he'll want to stay home."

Person 2 - "Oh child, don't you know Henry's a big ol' askhole?"

I guess I should get to some Words of Wisdom while I'm at it.

"In order to achieve happiness, you must create it.  If you focus on not having it, you will only attract the opposite of happiness.  Think happy thoughts.  Laugh until you're lightheaded and crying.  Life is yours to take, one smile at a time."

BREAKING NEWS!

My best friend Elle Fox just called and informed me she just got an apartment!  This is her first apartment as an adult!!!

I'm so proud of her and this new step in her beautiful journey she calls life.  GO ELLE!!!

In more news, in regards to me moving out I'm giving myself an extension, only until January 2014.  I figured that my birthday was too close for what I'm asking.  I don't want a roommate...

(so I can do everything naked)

 and I want exquisite furniture.  Plus, I want to renew my membership at Planet Fitness...

and I would like to activate my iPhone 4 or upgrade to a better version.

In addition, student loans are so far up my ass that I can taste the bill collector's breath when they call my house.

Anywho loves, I'm going to get my things ready for day two of Orientation tomorrow and then head over to celebrate with Elle.

I love you for reading.

-Gabriel Anderson

Do What Makes You Happy

Hola duckies!

Excuse my Spanglish.  I'm feeling very spicy today.  I figured since my posts are pretty lengthy, I will post once a week from now on.  Monday evenings sound about right.  Yes, I said it: NEW POSTS EVERY MONDAY!  Yaaaaay! Gabe is back, bitches!

There is so much gossip to spill and I am ready to share it with you all.  I want to get something off my chest first.  

For all of my fellow classmates that have big boy and girl jobs, I applaud you.  I asked a wise man--he's 30 with a PHD and lives the life I desire--so he's wise in my book--a question.  He's always in different parts of the world every other day.  He's so damn sexy and his passport is his best friend.  I asked him what his secret was...do you know what he said?  He told me, "Antoine, do what makes you happy."

This simple statement moved me.  Do what makes you happy.  I had to think what makes me happy.  I thought of writing, acting, and being with my real friends...not the people I hang out with just because sometimes friends come in a package deal. (Mhmmm, I said it.)

Writing makes me happy and I forgot how therapeutic and freeing it is.  Writing for me isn't just putting words onto a piece of paper, or monitor.  Writing is an orgasmic mind release that enables me to express myself in a way speech cannot at times.  You can ask any of my good friends who have received cards or letters, (yes, I still write letters to people), from me.  I put my all into every word I place in sentences.  Sentences are the bridges I use to touch the hearts of others and I forgot how much I loved doing it.  So now I'm gonna do what makes me happy.  I'm gonna pick up where I left off on May 16, 2010.  It's been close to a three year break of recovery and laziness, but I'm here and it's time to be strategic and get my life back in order.

Speaking of strategy, my last job ended in December, and by ended I mean I was fired.  Long story short the assistant principal of the school hated me and fired me because I called out like twice.  I don't regret getting fired.  It was kind of liberating.

Being fired by someone you hate coming to work to see, because they're a complete and utter fucking cunt, is like getting hugged by the Snuggle bear.

The only thing I do miss about working at the school is the kids.  Some were complete terrors but some could make you cry just from seeing them march down the halls in their school uniform.  One kid in particular used to run up to me and hug my leg whenever he saw me.  His name was Valentino and he pulled my heartstrings with his cuteness.  He is one of the reasons why I want to have kids: that pure innocence and acceptance of life.  Thank you Valentino for making my life better, one leg-hug at a time.

Anywho, I was talking about strategy and got distracted by cute memories.  I have an interview with Bed, Bath, & Beyond tomorrow morning.  I really want this job because I have never seen a melancholy employee at any of their locations.  And all of them seem so knowledgeable.

I landed the interview because I went to this awesome job fair in the city and the hiring manager/scouts loved my energy.  This is exactly how it went when I approached their job station.

"Oh hi, I'm Antoine Gardner.  Let me just start by telling you how much I love your products."

(Laughter ensues) "Thank you Antoine."

"You're more than welcome.  I was wondering what positions you have available in the city," I said pulling out my resume.

 "Well have you ever worked in retail?"

"I have actually.  I worked at the NBA store, when they were on fifth avenue.  It was an eye-opening experience.  I got up, close, and personal with tourists in ways I didn't think were possible."

(Laughter ensues again.) "Well, what department would you like to work in, if hired?"

(Pause) "I honestly don't know.  I would say bedding but that's pretty much one-third of the store--"

"How about our baby and bridal registry department?"

"OH MY GOD, YESSS!" (Realizing I pretty much just screamed at the hiring manager.) "I'm so sorry that I got that excited.  That sounds perfect."

(She laughs.) "We do need people with personality, Antoine.  We'll make sure to call you for an interview."

And BAM, a couple days later someone called me to set up my interview.

In other news, I have become obsessed with the show "The Walking Dead."

I accidentally become a fan because everyone on Earth has been raving about it, so I gave the pilot episode a go on Netflix.  And before I knew it I was up around 5AM finishing the second season.  Now I'm fully-versed with what exactly is happening and I watch the new episodes on AMC on Sunday, 9PM EST.  For those who think it's just about zombies and how they are terrorizing the world, you are sadly mistaken.  I believed this before I watched the show as well.  The show is a perfect portrayal of what would happen if a worldwide epidemic would happen and it shows how people would probably really act in given situations.  In most cases it's not the zombies you have to worry about.  Sometimes it's your best friend that's trying to kill you in your sleep or when you two are trapped by zombies are there's no escape.  It's a series that showcases the primal instincts and character of people stuck in a world where the only possible glimmer of hope is the strength in numbers and your willingness to do what it takes to survive.  So if you have a chance, give "The Walking Dead" a peek.  You won't regret it.  And if you do, there are tons of other shows that come on Sunday.  Two of my favorite Sunday evening programs happen to be (The United States version) "Shameless" and "GIRLS." 

I love "Shameless" because it's about a family that goes through Hell pretty much every episode and it's very entertaining.  

And of course I like it because one of the main characters is gay and I see some penis in some episodes.  What? I'm gay.  I'm being honest.  I see enough boobs on pretty much every show, so of course I'm going to watch a show where there's a penis shown here and there.

"Shameless" comes on Sundays on Showtime at 9PM EST.  Check it out duckies.

"GIRLS" is a show that focuses around the life of a girl named Hannah.  Hannah is a girl who recently graduated college and is trying to find her place in life.  She's a writer and recently got an e-book deal...but there's a lot more to the story.  

The main character, Hannah, is played by the creator of the show and it is loosely based on her life and her friends.  It is so real that sometimes I find myself quoting scenes from the show and thinking, "Oh my God.  I am so Hannah right now." "GIRLS" speaks to me so vividly because it represents the struggle of the post-grad person of my generation and how crazy life is when shit happens.  The show touches on sex, passion about life, and love for yourself and others.  Do yourself a favor and go check it out!  It comes on Sundays on HBO at 10PM EST.

Since we're on the topic of love, I just realized that I've been single since the middle of my Junior year in college.  That's close to five years!!!

Trust me, it hasn't been a lonely five year stint.  I've dated some great guys and I've dated some crazies...actually they all ended up crazy or they ended up telling me they were HIV+.  (Don't worry, I didn't have sex with the positive dudes.  I'm still negative and I plan on keeping it that way.)  But my luck with men has not been the greatest and I think I know the reason.  I haven't found the "right one" because I'm not the right one for someone else.  Hear me out.  I know that I'm intelligent, funny, handsome, and other good things...but dates cost money lol.  

I need to find myself in the real world before I can share my life with someone else.  More importantly although it would be nice to cuddle myself to sleep with a dashing fella, I need to worry more about where I see myself in five years, five months, and fifteen days: I'll be 30 by then.  So for now I'll talk to boys and bat my lashes at them but I need to focus on me.  As Sheree from "The Real Housewives of Atlanta" said, "Love don't pay the bills." LOL

I know my knight in shining Ferragamo will sweep me off my feet soon enough...but universe, could you tell him to hurry up a bit, pretty please?

Oh! I almost forgot to tell you what happened to me and Elle Fox the other day,  We were at her friend's house and we were about to leave.  As we're walking toward the foyer of the lobby, we see this woman standing outside the door.  She looked as though she were waiting for someone and she wasn't looking at us.  When we got to the foyer we stopped and started talking to Elle's friend, trying to decide what to do next.  The lady scowled at us and said, "Oh you guys are gonna act like a bunch of assholes and not open the door?!"

Mind you the entrance to the foyer is pretty much all glass and I was the closest to it, so I heard her very clearly.  I swear to God, if I didn't go through therapy for my "anger issues," I probably would have blacked out and came to with my hands around her neck.  The nerve of that lady!  But as a civil human being I just opened the door for her, with her saying an unpleasant, "Thank you," and hoped her cable company shut her TV off that evening.

Anyway, since it's been a week since my last post, it's only fair that I give you loves a new WORD OF THE WEEK.

This WORD OF THE WEEK is F.I.D (which is actually an acronym).

FID (noun: pronounced as one word, fid): a man who is in denial of his homosexuality; one who fights with his inner urges to be with a man intimately; a "faggot" in denial.

Example: "I don't know why Doug is so homophobic. We all know he's gay.  He's such a nasty little fid."

I must say I do loathe the use of the word "faggot" but if you give anything power over you, it weakens you.  And anything that weakens you puts a limit on your life and I want to live mine to the fullest.

But right now, it's time for some Words of Wisdom.

"Love is what you make it.  It's not always pretty.  It's not always sane.  But I can tell you one thing: love is what makes you crack a smile when you're ugly crying.  Real love is when you still do nice things for someone, even if you don't like them at the moment.  Love responsibly and love with your whole being."

Okay duckies, I gotta go.  I have a Rib-Eye steak and squash dinner awaiting my mouth.  Plus I have to watch my "RuPaul's Drag Race" tonight.

Check out the new episode tonight at 9PM, on LOGO.  New episodes come on every Monday around that time! You betta werk!

I love you for reading.  See you next week, loves!

-Gabriel Anderson

Mr. Sassy Pants

Duckies, I come to you today to declare the increase in my overall sassiness.  I put it on my Vision Board--to become sassier--and I already see it manifesting inside of me.  It's not an evil streak that thrives off of the pain and scrutiny of others, but more of a "I'm-not-gonna-put-up-with-your-bullshit-anymore" kind of philosophy.

This came about because of some stupid boy. (Not Antonio for Heaven's sake.  We'll talk about him later.)  This boy, we'll call him Rob.  Rob has been through so much in his life, I'm talking about heavy shit that I'm not about to get into because I'm not one for spilling dirty laundry LOL, and he's always crying about it.  I mean legit crying.  I haven't known him that long (maybe a couple weeks) and he thinks we should be a couple.  Mind you, I've never given this boy the impression that I like him: never had sex, never said anything about anything relationship-related.  I felt like I was doing the world a favor by sticking around because everyone "so he says," he leaves him eventually.

I'm sorry but if I'm not your best friend I am not gonna stick around just to hear you complain about your life nonstop, especially since I recently have been cleared by my therapist...meaning I don't have to see her anymore because life is going well for me.

Anywho, so I invite this sap Rob over yesterday and he's all about trying to have sex with me.  I turned him down and he kept trying so I kicked him out.  He calls me today and had the nerve to ask me if he dropped his weekly-unlimited MetroCard somewhere in my house.  I told him "No."  But the answer was really yes.  And I will be going around town all week on the expense of his pathetic ass.

I wanted to share this with you lovely duckies because I have been so physically and mentally drained for my own problems that listening to others' problems really just weighs me down.  I will always be there for any of my real friends because I know they would be there for me, but if you're some pushy guy who cries over everything...please fcuk off.  Thank you.

Sorry for that colorful introduction to this post.  I had to let that out.

Duckies, this past weekend was superb.  As you know Saturday was our hookah night and it was so much fun.  We smoked this Apple Mint flavored tobacco in the hookah and it was delicious.  But the thing about hookah I find most time-consuming is the process of refilling the tobacco and lighting the coal.  I didn't really trust anyone else to do it because when they did they either packed the tobacco too tight or something would fall on the table.  So for the majority of the night I felt like I was a favored servant to Princess Jasmine and her company.

My mother made this Mango Lemonade Tequila punch, with TWO full bottles of this exotic Tequila!  The crazy thing was none of us tasted the alcohol.  Of course not until it was nearly 1AM and we were all laughing, sweating, and pretty much slurring through the rest of the night.  The cuisine of the night included lamb kabobs (juicy lamb on a skewer), rosemary baked chicken, white rice with some Mediterranean dipping sauce drizzled on it, and grilled asparagus.  It was simply marvelous.

Oh!  Remember the friend I was talking about who was all about PDA when I came around she and her boyfriend?  Well I invited her over for hookah night and she and I had a talk.  I let her know exactly how I felt and she kind of knew I was feeling this way because she felt something different about my energy.  I have to give it to her though.  She has been making efforts to see me and juggle both me and her boyfriend.  I just have to let her ride this relationship out and just remember that our love will never die.

Anywho, at about 1:30AM I was nearly "hookah-ed" out so my friend and I wanted to smoke some good stuff, if ya know what I mean.

I thought we were going to smoke at her house..but then she takes me to this shabby brownstone, where I was sure that I was going to take some critters back home with me if I wasn't careful.

(Chica, if you're reading this don't ever take me back there.  No buneo.)

So I'm sitting on the brownstone steps outside and before we can even roll up my friend comes out of the building in a ruckus, saying that some girl is trying to blame her for calling drunk.  We'll call the drunk/blaming girl Trashina: she was trashy.  Immediately after my friend comes out Trashina comes out screaming:

"Oh no.  I don't even know this girl and she's saying I'm drunk. Nah, forreal yo.  I was talking to my mans."

(Yes, I was in the true ghetto that night.)

My friend was the bigger person in the situation because she walked away from the girl even when Trashina was still talking shit.  But no one saw that but me.  I had my friend's back telling her she was being the bigger person but everyone else was trying to calm my friend down and not Trashina which I thought was extremely unfair, rude even.

But after about an hour or so the situation was diffused and all was well.  The sad thing about this little altercation was my friend's boyfriend was there...and he didn't have my friend's back. Hmmmm....but who did?

Moving along, Sunday was magnificent, if by magnificent you mean waking to a weak body and a pounding headache.

It wasn't until about 5PM that my brain was able to function properly.  (But then again I did get home around 7AM.)  After recovering from the abyss we call "The Hungover Games" someone texted me and asked if I wanted to come over.  No one other than the sexy Antonio!

Two times in the span of five days, sounds like someone likes what I can do.  Even though I did go over there just for sex I do enjoy being in his company.  And afterward he still invited me to come over again so I wouldn't have to "come over just to fuck."  Is Antonio coming around?  Are my seductive powers working and transforming him into a SummerBoy?  Who knows?  Only time and my blog will tell, LOL.

Today I didn't really do anything.  I spent some time with my father: nothing spectacular.  I smoked some hookah before I went to the gym, which has now become my playground once again.

I'm regaining my stamina after only three days back in the gym and I feel wonderful.  I was running around the gym doing so many things today.  I did the elliptical for 30 minutes, cycling/spin machine for about 8 minutes (resistance 10), butterfly curl 25 reps (2 sets), and leg press 25 reps (2 sets).  I'm gonna be so fit that my turds are gonna have abs.

I invited Elle over to hookah night as well and before everyone got there she and I played the Random Question game and I really want to share some things that I discovered about myself.  Also my friend Tracie made a 25 Random things note on FaceBook and it inspired me to do this.  So here's a list of 15 random things you may or may not know about me.

1) I look at everyone's crotch first, before their face. (Including friends and family)

2) My favorite article of clothing is underwear.

3) I'm lactose intolerant and I don't give a shit. I love dairy.

4) I find myself attracted to everyone upon meeting them.

5) "Down With Love" is one of my favorite movies.

6) I've had several girlfriends in the past, but never had sex with any of them...or any girl at that.

7) I don't know how to ride a bike.

8) I don't know how to drive.

9) I know how to swim but it's as graceful as a house cat in water

10) My biggest fear is being stranded in open water.

11) I find myself laughing at things that no one else finds funny all the time.

12) I've never been in a relationship for more than six consecutive months.

13) If I don't have sex at least once a week I become a maniac; nymphomaniac.

14) I don't have any tattoos.

15) I sometimes buy CDs.

Enough about me I think this blog is way overdue for a new "Word of the Week."

Hunk: A person that becomes enraged and Hulk-esque when they are intoxicated.

Ex: "Oh my God, please stop giving Sheila shots because last week her inner Hunk came out and she scratched this random baby's face."

So many good shows are back on and I'm so happy.  "WORKAHOLICS" is back on.

It comes on Tuesdays at 10:30PM (EST) on Comedy Central.

Another Comedy Central show that I cannot get enough of is "Tosh.0"

"Tosh.0" comes on Tuesdays at 10PM (EST) on Comedy Central.

And it's that time of year where the sexy bloodsuckers and supernatural creatures are back...

Season 5 of "True Blood" premiered last night and I was floored. Shit is going down! Check it out on Sundays at 9PM (EST), on HBO.

Oh and I can't forget my guilty pleasure, Teen Wolf.

"Teen Wolf" comes on Mondays at 10PM (EST) on MTV...and speaking of "Teen Wolf" it's about to come on so let me get to some "Words of Wisdom."

"If something you thought to be safe starts giving you doubt about its initial and welcoming stability, run.  Do not push warning away because you want to hold onto the idea of something when the truth is literally biting you in the ass.  You deserve everything you wish for...but make sure your wish really came true."

Okay loves, it's time for me to go and get all sexy for my man Tyler Hoechlin, aka Derek, from "Teen Wolf."

I love you for reading.

Stay Sassy.

-Gabriel Anderson