Bad Apples

Hi duckies!  I hope everything is awesome on your end.  I know I'm just doing swell.  As you know last week was my first complete week in my department: Bridal & Gift Registry.

Every one of my co-workers, even those who aren't in my department keep asking me the same question:

"Antoine, how do you feel about Bridal so far?"

And my answer is always the same:

"I feel like such a dweeb...because I absolutely love it."

My department stands out from the rest because everything is so pristine and looks so formal.  In addition, the dress code for my department is a little more...dressy.  I wish you could see the outfits I wear to work; sometimes I even dazzle myself with the coordination and colorful ensembles I can pull off.

(Just an example of my everyday work clothes.  I wore gray slacks and brown suede Calvin Klein with this ensemble.)

One of the things I love most about my job is I pretty much dress like this everyday so when asked during my interview if being "dressed-up" would be hassle I told them that the necktie is my favorite accessory.  Besides being fully naked, I feel most comfortable in a suit and tie.

Oh!  On my way to work one day I was starving and I happened to be passing a farmer's market.  So I decided to buy the cheapest thing because that's what you do when you're 1) starving 2) rushing to work 3) and don't wanna be molested by someone's Great Dane at a Farmer's Market.

The cheapest thing happened to be one red delicious apple, which happens to be my absolute favorite apple.  It's just something about the crispness of each bite and sweetness of its core that entices my taste buds.

Anywho, I'm rushing to work and eating my apple when this black dude was trying to sell his Hip-Hop/Rap album. He turns and says to me:

"If you love apples, I'll guarantee you'll love my album."

I couldn't help myself from laughing, but I quickly retorted with, "Nothing's more 'gangsta' than an apple!" before resuming with my rushing.

Speaking of apples, I ran into some bad ones on the train last night.  On my way home from work last night a mother came onto the train with four little children and they seemed so angelic.  They were these cute little black kids that seemed so full of energy: one boy came onto the train jumping like a little kangaroo, the only girl came into the train car laughing, one eagerly turned in his seat--onto his knees--to look at the bypassing trains, and the other one desperately needed a Kleenex.  I mean this boy's nose was running faster than a Kenyan.

I was reading David Sedaris' "Me Talk Pretty One Day," (he's one of my absolute favorite authors, check him out), and I had my headphones in my ears, meaning I was dead to the world.  However, these angelic little children caught my attention with their not-so-angelic antics.

It takes a lot for me to be constantly distracted from a book, especially anything written by David Sedaris.  The smiles and turning in their seats from the little angels quickly turned into screaming and swinging around poles.  The girl was sitting next to a very handsome Caucasian man, must have been in his late 20's or early 30's, who was bewitched by the children's initial charm but was quickly dismayed when the young girl decided to use his leg as an arm rest.  This must have been incredibly awkward for the man because I obviously saw his body tense and he was squirming so the little girl would get the hint and remove her elbow from his mid-thigh.  Eventually the man got off the train and didn't have to suffer the tyranny of the children.  The others kids were hitting each other and running throughout the train car and were knocking into people, without saying a thing, and while all of this was happening the mother did nothing but bop her head to her music...for the most part.

She hit the one with the snotty nose because he seemed to be the gremlin of the group.  I could just feel the "bad" emitting from his little frame, as he sat directly across from me mouthing words that made snot fall into his mouth.  He didn't deserve a napkin though.  He kept taunting the mother was an empty Easter basket, tapping her with it until she snapped and hit him.  And he would just laugh and start the process again.  I was so distracted from reading that I had to go to the other side of the car so I could try my best to finish the current chapter before I had to get off the train.  But with my luck the kids were like watching an embarrassing car crash.  I couldn't keep my eyes off of them.

I don't know if it was the little girl dropping it like it was hot or the boys rolling on the floor but I felt sorry for the mother because everyone kept looking at one another, myself included, thinking, "How the fuck does she live with these pack of demons?"

Fortunately enough the pack of demons and negligent mother exited the train before I had to so I was able to finish my daily reading without further distraction.

In other news, have I mentioned how much I love my job?  Like I really love it!  I escorted my first couple around my store yesterday and they were such a delight.  We walked around for close to two hours and it was fabulous.  I really built a relationship with the couple and it was actually easier than I was told it would be.  Yes, some things I still need to brush up on, like where certain things are in the store LOL, but I did well for the most part.

I also did my first housewarming registry as well, and that went swimmingly.  I think this department is exactly what I've been looking for because I love everything about it so far.  Some of my co-workers told me it can get a little crazy with couples sometimes...but I'm so ready for it.  I've been through fire and ice and I'm still kicking.

Last night I had to close the stores with one of the best consultants and I asked her honest opinion of my work ethic so far and she said, "I think I may have some competition."

My voice got so high when I said "Thank you," to her and I was absolutely floored.  I found it to be such high praise coming from her because she is incredible at her job and I idolize her commitment to the department.  She does so much for the company and I just want to thank her.  Thank you Milagros!  You are an angel and a shining star that never quits.

Okay duckies, I've said enough for the moment.  Let's get to some Words of Wisdom.

"A winner never quits and a quitter never wins.  If you believe in what you do, then approval should be the least of your worries.  Just start doing what you love and focus on the end result because if you do that the journey will be twice as fun."

I think it's time for a Word of the Week.

This word of the week is:

Fun-sucker (pronounced phun-suh-cer): one who enjoys destroying the jovial side of things; a person who never sees the silver lining; a pessimist.

Example: "Oh honey, you better not invite George to your anniversary party.  He's going through a terrible divorce and he can be a real fun-sucker at celebratory events."

OMG!  I forgot to mention that I went to see "Jurassic Park" in IMAX 3D this past Saturday...and it made me love the film even more, which I didn't think was possible.  The sound was incredible.  The picture clarity was astonishing and I cannot wait for the rumored "Jurassic Park 4" that's said to come out next year.

Okay my loves.  I want to go have some fun and get crazy with my sexy friends.  It's going to be a beautiful night.

Have a wonderful week my loves. 

I love you for reading.

-Gabriel Anderson

Do What Makes You Happy

Hola duckies!

Excuse my Spanglish.  I'm feeling very spicy today.  I figured since my posts are pretty lengthy, I will post once a week from now on.  Monday evenings sound about right.  Yes, I said it: NEW POSTS EVERY MONDAY!  Yaaaaay! Gabe is back, bitches!

There is so much gossip to spill and I am ready to share it with you all.  I want to get something off my chest first.  

For all of my fellow classmates that have big boy and girl jobs, I applaud you.  I asked a wise man--he's 30 with a PHD and lives the life I desire--so he's wise in my book--a question.  He's always in different parts of the world every other day.  He's so damn sexy and his passport is his best friend.  I asked him what his secret was...do you know what he said?  He told me, "Antoine, do what makes you happy."

This simple statement moved me.  Do what makes you happy.  I had to think what makes me happy.  I thought of writing, acting, and being with my real friends...not the people I hang out with just because sometimes friends come in a package deal. (Mhmmm, I said it.)

Writing makes me happy and I forgot how therapeutic and freeing it is.  Writing for me isn't just putting words onto a piece of paper, or monitor.  Writing is an orgasmic mind release that enables me to express myself in a way speech cannot at times.  You can ask any of my good friends who have received cards or letters, (yes, I still write letters to people), from me.  I put my all into every word I place in sentences.  Sentences are the bridges I use to touch the hearts of others and I forgot how much I loved doing it.  So now I'm gonna do what makes me happy.  I'm gonna pick up where I left off on May 16, 2010.  It's been close to a three year break of recovery and laziness, but I'm here and it's time to be strategic and get my life back in order.

Speaking of strategy, my last job ended in December, and by ended I mean I was fired.  Long story short the assistant principal of the school hated me and fired me because I called out like twice.  I don't regret getting fired.  It was kind of liberating.

Being fired by someone you hate coming to work to see, because they're a complete and utter fucking cunt, is like getting hugged by the Snuggle bear.

The only thing I do miss about working at the school is the kids.  Some were complete terrors but some could make you cry just from seeing them march down the halls in their school uniform.  One kid in particular used to run up to me and hug my leg whenever he saw me.  His name was Valentino and he pulled my heartstrings with his cuteness.  He is one of the reasons why I want to have kids: that pure innocence and acceptance of life.  Thank you Valentino for making my life better, one leg-hug at a time.

Anywho, I was talking about strategy and got distracted by cute memories.  I have an interview with Bed, Bath, & Beyond tomorrow morning.  I really want this job because I have never seen a melancholy employee at any of their locations.  And all of them seem so knowledgeable.

I landed the interview because I went to this awesome job fair in the city and the hiring manager/scouts loved my energy.  This is exactly how it went when I approached their job station.

"Oh hi, I'm Antoine Gardner.  Let me just start by telling you how much I love your products."

(Laughter ensues) "Thank you Antoine."

"You're more than welcome.  I was wondering what positions you have available in the city," I said pulling out my resume.

 "Well have you ever worked in retail?"

"I have actually.  I worked at the NBA store, when they were on fifth avenue.  It was an eye-opening experience.  I got up, close, and personal with tourists in ways I didn't think were possible."

(Laughter ensues again.) "Well, what department would you like to work in, if hired?"

(Pause) "I honestly don't know.  I would say bedding but that's pretty much one-third of the store--"

"How about our baby and bridal registry department?"

"OH MY GOD, YESSS!" (Realizing I pretty much just screamed at the hiring manager.) "I'm so sorry that I got that excited.  That sounds perfect."

(She laughs.) "We do need people with personality, Antoine.  We'll make sure to call you for an interview."

And BAM, a couple days later someone called me to set up my interview.

In other news, I have become obsessed with the show "The Walking Dead."

I accidentally become a fan because everyone on Earth has been raving about it, so I gave the pilot episode a go on Netflix.  And before I knew it I was up around 5AM finishing the second season.  Now I'm fully-versed with what exactly is happening and I watch the new episodes on AMC on Sunday, 9PM EST.  For those who think it's just about zombies and how they are terrorizing the world, you are sadly mistaken.  I believed this before I watched the show as well.  The show is a perfect portrayal of what would happen if a worldwide epidemic would happen and it shows how people would probably really act in given situations.  In most cases it's not the zombies you have to worry about.  Sometimes it's your best friend that's trying to kill you in your sleep or when you two are trapped by zombies are there's no escape.  It's a series that showcases the primal instincts and character of people stuck in a world where the only possible glimmer of hope is the strength in numbers and your willingness to do what it takes to survive.  So if you have a chance, give "The Walking Dead" a peek.  You won't regret it.  And if you do, there are tons of other shows that come on Sunday.  Two of my favorite Sunday evening programs happen to be (The United States version) "Shameless" and "GIRLS." 

I love "Shameless" because it's about a family that goes through Hell pretty much every episode and it's very entertaining.  

And of course I like it because one of the main characters is gay and I see some penis in some episodes.  What? I'm gay.  I'm being honest.  I see enough boobs on pretty much every show, so of course I'm going to watch a show where there's a penis shown here and there.

"Shameless" comes on Sundays on Showtime at 9PM EST.  Check it out duckies.

"GIRLS" is a show that focuses around the life of a girl named Hannah.  Hannah is a girl who recently graduated college and is trying to find her place in life.  She's a writer and recently got an e-book deal...but there's a lot more to the story.  

The main character, Hannah, is played by the creator of the show and it is loosely based on her life and her friends.  It is so real that sometimes I find myself quoting scenes from the show and thinking, "Oh my God.  I am so Hannah right now." "GIRLS" speaks to me so vividly because it represents the struggle of the post-grad person of my generation and how crazy life is when shit happens.  The show touches on sex, passion about life, and love for yourself and others.  Do yourself a favor and go check it out!  It comes on Sundays on HBO at 10PM EST.

Since we're on the topic of love, I just realized that I've been single since the middle of my Junior year in college.  That's close to five years!!!

Trust me, it hasn't been a lonely five year stint.  I've dated some great guys and I've dated some crazies...actually they all ended up crazy or they ended up telling me they were HIV+.  (Don't worry, I didn't have sex with the positive dudes.  I'm still negative and I plan on keeping it that way.)  But my luck with men has not been the greatest and I think I know the reason.  I haven't found the "right one" because I'm not the right one for someone else.  Hear me out.  I know that I'm intelligent, funny, handsome, and other good things...but dates cost money lol.  

I need to find myself in the real world before I can share my life with someone else.  More importantly although it would be nice to cuddle myself to sleep with a dashing fella, I need to worry more about where I see myself in five years, five months, and fifteen days: I'll be 30 by then.  So for now I'll talk to boys and bat my lashes at them but I need to focus on me.  As Sheree from "The Real Housewives of Atlanta" said, "Love don't pay the bills." LOL

I know my knight in shining Ferragamo will sweep me off my feet soon enough...but universe, could you tell him to hurry up a bit, pretty please?

Oh! I almost forgot to tell you what happened to me and Elle Fox the other day,  We were at her friend's house and we were about to leave.  As we're walking toward the foyer of the lobby, we see this woman standing outside the door.  She looked as though she were waiting for someone and she wasn't looking at us.  When we got to the foyer we stopped and started talking to Elle's friend, trying to decide what to do next.  The lady scowled at us and said, "Oh you guys are gonna act like a bunch of assholes and not open the door?!"

Mind you the entrance to the foyer is pretty much all glass and I was the closest to it, so I heard her very clearly.  I swear to God, if I didn't go through therapy for my "anger issues," I probably would have blacked out and came to with my hands around her neck.  The nerve of that lady!  But as a civil human being I just opened the door for her, with her saying an unpleasant, "Thank you," and hoped her cable company shut her TV off that evening.

Anyway, since it's been a week since my last post, it's only fair that I give you loves a new WORD OF THE WEEK.

This WORD OF THE WEEK is F.I.D (which is actually an acronym).

FID (noun: pronounced as one word, fid): a man who is in denial of his homosexuality; one who fights with his inner urges to be with a man intimately; a "faggot" in denial.

Example: "I don't know why Doug is so homophobic. We all know he's gay.  He's such a nasty little fid."

I must say I do loathe the use of the word "faggot" but if you give anything power over you, it weakens you.  And anything that weakens you puts a limit on your life and I want to live mine to the fullest.

But right now, it's time for some Words of Wisdom.

"Love is what you make it.  It's not always pretty.  It's not always sane.  But I can tell you one thing: love is what makes you crack a smile when you're ugly crying.  Real love is when you still do nice things for someone, even if you don't like them at the moment.  Love responsibly and love with your whole being."

Okay duckies, I gotta go.  I have a Rib-Eye steak and squash dinner awaiting my mouth.  Plus I have to watch my "RuPaul's Drag Race" tonight.

Check out the new episode tonight at 9PM, on LOGO.  New episodes come on every Monday around that time! You betta werk!

I love you for reading.  See you next week, loves!

-Gabriel Anderson

...fifteen grande Caramel Macchiatos later

Good morning precious! I can't believe tomorrow will be the last day of my internship with HarperCollins. It was fun being a responsible adult; working from 9 to 5, sitting in production/planning meetings and guzzling coffee. What I'm going to miss most is my boss (Daphne) and her assistant (Edie). They are such phenomenal people and I'm so glad I was given the chance to work under them; it's been everything delightful! Also, I'd like to give a shout-out to Lisa for actually putting me onto this fabulous internship. Without you Lisa, the world wouldn't be as beautiful.
I've learned so much from this experience and I am forever grateful. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!



OFF TO THE SASS!

It's snowing today and you know how much I love the snow. I just love Winter. Anyway, since it's snowing the 6 train decided to go extra slow...but the conductor would abruptly slam on the brakes at every train station. (This so happened when I was trying to sit down.) My rear-end was about two inches away from the train seat and ERRRRRRK...conductor slamed down on the brakes...



nearly throwing me into the lap of a lady. She looked so pissed that I couldn't restrain my laugh, when I blurted an embarrassed "Sorry." I would have been pissed too if someone large-framed and dapper tried to sit on my lap lol.

Anyway, I was supposed to go to a screening for "Paul Blart: Mall Cop" last night (because I'm not paying to see it) but the odds were against me. My friend Melrose can't read "change of plan" text messages so I was in the line by myself...until I was over it. (Sorry Melrose...I blame you.)

Overcome by gloom I decided the only thing to do was to shop...

away. And did I?
I bought this beige fedora,


a messenger bag (that will serve as my new gym bag),

and this chic sweater from Le Chateau.


I was so over the "Mall Cop" screening after my mini shopping spree. Retail therapy cures any ailment. I bet most political battles could be settled if people just came together to sit in the front row of Sass & Bide's Spring collection (which I haven't seen yet...bad Gabriel lol).



OH! I have a new word of the week for you. The new word of the week is...
Assassinista: One who is anything but frivolous in regards to fashion; a marksmen of style; Gabriel Anderson.* (was that a shameless plug? lol).
Ex. "I'm so glad Michelle Obama is improving her style. She'll be an assassinista in no time."


*(I heard the phrase "assassinista" in a planning meeting...but it was used in a different context.)

Speaking of fierce, let's get to the quote of the day (Jan 15th):

"Miscommunication is the fault of all included parties. (Unfortunately) No one is psychic so don't depend on others to read your exact thoughts. Talk it out, start over and move on with your beautiful life."

With that being said, I have to communicate with my "father" to increase my funds before I have to head back to Hartford. Anywho, I wish you the best of happiness. Stay true duckies.

Peace, love & Obama,
Gabriel Anderson