BlackBird is Missing

Good morning duckies. For those of you who follow me on Twitter (and if you don't today's the day to start lol) you may have seen some very dramatic tweets last night. Some duckies think I was fighting with my dear friend Graham last night, but that wasn't the case. Graham and I were trying to send links to each other last night via Twitter and FaceBook. It so happened that it looked like we were fighting because we were tweeting so fast and using direct references (and each others' names) in our tweets. Even though our tweets looked consequential, it was only a coincidence. I was fighting with Nick...not Graham.

Nick and I have had a two-year history and in these two years it looks like we ended up right where we started: our problems revolved around sex. It wasn't the lack of sex--God no--it was our insatiable desires for it. I've made peace with the fact that I'm a nymphomaniac years ago but Nick on the other hand has yet to love that part of himself.

Last night I realized that Nick is a liar. (Yes, I've told my fair share of lies but when it comes to direct questions I tell you the truth, tears and all.) We had this weird relationship where we were technically "together" and wouldn't get too involved with other men: sex was okay but love wasn't acceptable. I called Nick last night and asked him if he had sex recently and his reply was "No." He then asked me the same question and I told him "Yes." I went into detail, telling him the exact day and time while describing everything in vivid images.

Somehow after the story Nick "remembered" that he did have sex last week...which pissed me off. It wasn't just because he sad sex. It was the fact that he lied about not having sex until I confessed to having sex. In addition, it was with one of his friends that he has been habitually-sexually involved with! The thing that angered me the most was this wasn't the first time Nick has lied to me about having sex...and it so happened that he lied about not having sex with the same person he denied having sex with last night.
You simply can't have friends with benefits because it never works. The only benefit you'll get out of such a weird relationship is the benefit of sheer loneliness.

This was the last straw.

I know that I am not easy to love but it's not easy to love someone who doesn't love themselves either. Nick would always joke around saying "Yea, my parents know about us. They love you." and "Oh yea, I read your blog. It's my favorite." I just can't take the lies anymore. I know he was joking around but if you look at those statements closely, you'll know why I'm angry.

I am very open with my sexuality with my parents & friends and I have introduced them to boyfriends in the past. The fact that Nick would lie about something like that didn't hurt me at first but eventually it did. It hurt because I knew in my heart that I would eventually introduce Nick to my parents as my lover. It hurt because I really wanted Nick to read my blog (and not only when I mention him. He only read it when he was in the headlines). Nick basically mocked my true desires with his sick jokes.

I know for a fact that Nick would have never introduced me to his family and/or friends as his lover because Nick is so God-washed that he thinks his own sexuality is a crime. Plus, his family is full of super-Christians and his love for his family would have shadowed his "love" for me.

Come to think of it Nick was a SummerBoy in disguise. We met in the Summer, the beginning of my Sophomore year in college, and we see each other mainly in the Summer. He's basically a SummerBoy with clout...excuse me. A SummerBoy that had clout.

Yes, we had phenomenal times and fantastic sex but that doesn't equate to a healthy relationship, especially if one of the parties isn't taking it as serious as the other. I can't deal with his mockery of our relationship anymore. I'm not always the good guy but I know what's good for me and Nick is anything but a cure.

For the past few months, I have been conceptualizing living a married life with Nick. Now I see that vision was premature and too much to ask.
It's over Nick. I wish you the best in love, life, and happiness.

Duckies, I had to let him go. Even though it's rough to let go of someone you love dearly, you have to remember if you love something that doesn't respect you, you're only welcoming damage into your life.
I hate change when it comes to love but this was a change well deserved. Nick can watch from the sidelines...that's if I even let him close enough to talk to me again.

Anywho, I have a SummerBoy update.

I started talking to this goal-oriented hottie. His name is Joel. He's a good kid. He's 20, has an internship with an LGBT center downtown, incredibly cute, tall (6' 2" to be exact), and he seems level-headed. We're on the "getting to know each other" basis right now but I'll keep you posted. Oh and Joel hates liars...we have something in common lol.

Okay, okay. Let's get to some "Words of Wisdom."

"When making rules remember that you made them. Rules are boundaries created to govern and manipulate peace and control. When implementing rules with different parties, keep in mind that you are the law and others may interpret you--the law--in different ways."

Sadly, I left BlackBird, my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry Storm, at home today.

I think it was a sign from God though. Right before I ended things with Nick he pleaded to have lunch with me today. I kept declining the offer but I know if he sent me lovey-dovey text messages throughout the day, I probably wouldn't be able to function at work. And who passes up free lunch? LOL, I do today because I don't have my phone and I'm better than allowing myself to succumb to the likes of Nick again.
Divine intervention indeed.

Okay, I have to get to work duckies.
I wish you the best of happiness. I love you. Stay tuned and true.

Live, love & Lady Gaga,
Gabriel Anderson

I AM...Still Speechless

Duckies!
Do I have news for you?! Yesterday was such an eventful day.
I did my usual hours: 9AM-5pm at HarperCollins Publishers. But it felt so long. The hours dragged through so I was chugging coffee like no other.

Once 5pm came around I ran for that door because I had to walk to 63rd and Madison to meet my dad at work...he was holding the Beyonce tickets for me.
After that I had to hurry downtown to pick-up Monica from Penn Station. She recently cut her hair--she told me this on the phone before I saw her--so it didn't register at first. She did look different but I didn't mention it until she reminded me later. (I'm such a bad friend lol)
Anywho, we decided to hit up Chipotle on 34th Street between 8th and 9th Ave...where Graham met up with us as well.

It was fun being around my two favorite people: laughing, chatting it up, and enjoying each others' company.
Soon thereafter, Monica and I began walking to Madison Square Garden. On our way there was a Hamburger Helper vendor giving out free samples to people on the street; this was Beyonce's doing!

Beyonce recently partnered with General Mills and Feeding America to start the SHOW YOUR HELPING HAND CAMPAIGN to help fight hunger. To help the cause, click here to donate. The free samples were absolutely scrumptious.

When we actually got to our seats Monica confessed that she had never seen Beyonce in concert. I was shocked and slightly appalled.

And when she saw how close we were to the stage, she started tearing.
We were in Section 55; Row H; Seats 3 & 4.

And thank God we were close to the stage because Beyonce was phantasmagorical. When the concert started Monica started crying and I told her it was okay: our idol was on stage.
Toward the end of the concert Beyonce slowed it down and I started tearing. And when she started singing "Listen" I couldn't hold back my tears any longer. (I'm actually tearing right now.) She was so beautiful. I've never cried for an artist before...not even Lady Gaga.

Beyonce isn't just an artist. She is a living legend. To be in the presence of someone that can captivate an audience--an audience of Madison Square Garden proportions--so eloquently and fearlessly with their own creations, is a marvelous experience. During the concert I realized why I love Beyonce so much: she's the fire that motivates me to believe in myself.
Lady Gaga is who I want to be: glamorous, truly A-List, and defining new standards. However, Beyonce influences me to tap into my duende and let my inner-fire burn everyone around me. Beyonce teaches me lessons and Lady Gaga shows me how they can be utilized to follow my dreams.
The concert was magnificent: I laughed, I cried (three separate times), I danced, I sang along to all the songs, and I finally became myself again.

Thank you for bringing me back to life Beyonce! (Yaaaay!)

After the concert, Monica and I had a sleepover at my house.

We were both really tired from our exhaustive day...but that didn't stop us from chowing down before bed lol. My mom cooked us whole wheat pasta with shrimp and scallops, topped with homemade garlic pasta sauce. It was delicious.

Sadly enough, Monica and I departed earlier this morning because I had to go to work and she had some business to tend to in CT. But we did take the same train before going our separate ways.
Monica: I had a blast with you yesterday and this morning and I can't wait to see you again when we come back for Red Caps! I miss you already.

SUMMERBOY UPDATE!

In other news, my SummerBoy Perry is no longer in commission...because he's fcuking crazy lol.
I don't think I've shared this with you duckies but I purchased Lady Gaga's issue of Rolling Stone back in May. I read the article and felt so in tuned to what she was saying. She said that she became a Pop Star because she would walk around delusional, thinking she already was a Pop Star. Duckies, if you can't tell I do that everyday lol.

So Perry told me the other day that Lady Gaga follows him on Twitter, just to rub it in my face. I didn't believe him...but when I checked his Twitter I saw he was telling the truth. He said that he tweeted her a message saying how much he loved her article in Rolling Stone and that he loves her music...and BAM, the next week she started following him.
I'm going to be honest, I didn't think that was fair. Perry doesn't really do anything with his life except run errands and go to auditions. I wanted Lady Gaga to follow me too. So I sent her a message saying I really liked her Rolling Stone interview because it inspired me to be me and I've loved her music before it became hot. Perry saw that and texted me (and I quote):

"YOU ARE SO CORNY & DESPERATE. HOW YOU GONNA TELL LADY GAGA THAT YOU READ THE ROLLING STONE MAG & SHE INSPIRED YOU TO BE YOU. THAT WAS LAME. COULDN'T YOU COME UP WITH ANYTHING NATURAL OR UNIQUE? LAME. STOP FOLLOWING ME & DON'T TEXT ME. WEIRDO."

Isn't he crazy? Note: I only started following Perry on Twitter because he begged me for half a day. Plus, he's never seen Lady Gaga in concert nor has he ever met her. Why is he bugging out over a tweet? OH! I'm glad he's gone now too because he told me something very frightening the other day. He told me he hasn't had sex since December because once he starts he can't stop. That's usually not a bad thing...but he really can't. He told me he's never sexually satisfied if he has sex with just one person. He used to be a frequent sex party-goer. He said he would have sex for days on end, without tons of people: he would even miss work!

LOL, I tell ya the gay community is slim picking. They're either hot and crazy, too promiscuous to hold onto or just harmful to the eyes.

I just want a SummerBoy who doesn't need professional help, lol. I already have a pending husband.
(Yes duckies...I'm pre-engaged.)

You remember Nick?
Well I hear wedding bells coming in 2018.
My 20's are about me and Nick knows this...and he knows I still love him. And I know he still loves me because we call each other every night and we both say the L-word before we hang up.
I love you Nick!

Okay, enough of my life. It's time for some "Words of Wisdom."

"To truly love is to truly free yourself from the world. Love isn't easy: it demands courage, selflessness, patience, and endurance. But in order to love others, you have to love yourself. Free yourself from doubt and make sure to show yourself some appreciation before you worship the heart of another."

Okay duckies, I have a lot to do today.
I wish you the best of happiness. I love you. Stay true and tuned.

Live, love & Lady Gaga
Gabriel Anderson

Ode to Nick

Hey duckies. Recently my double-ex (my boyfriend before last) has been talking to me. Yes, I've been talking back and sometimes I initiate the conversation. But it just makes things all the more difficult. I still have feelings for him (they've depleted now...read on) but I know better because those feelings will only lead to...breaking-up again. I must admit I am a difficult person to court. One day I could be the nicest person in the world and the next day I could be the most stressed-out biotch! But what disturbed me about our relationship was Nick's need for...affection. Our relationship was based on it. Plus, I'm physically bigger than Nick...he's so short

and that bothers me so much. I want to look up to my soul mate, not tower over them. (Maybe that symbolizes what I want in a relationship, someone to look up to, not someone I supersede.)

Well anywho, Nick is going to be up here (Connecticut) for his graduate school audition at Yale.



I haven't mentioned this but Nick is a big deal. He's a double major in piano and organ. I only date A-list men and Nick is pretty up there. He currently has a job playing for churches around the country and he basically has a job waiting for him after college...a phenomenal job. Nick was a good catch.

Anyway, Feb. 24th was his 21st birthday and he called me around 2am, drunk off his a$$, saying:

"Oh baby I love you. I wanna be with you. I'm gonna be in New Haven on Thursday. Come see me. Take a bus to New Haven and I'll pick you up. I wanna hold you all night...blah-blah-blah."



After close examination (well, until I heard he wasn't going to drive me back to campus...just to the bus station...not okay) I declined his invitation.
Dude went psycho.



"You're bipolar Gabriel. You need professional help. One minute you can be so nice, the next minute you're a bitch! Look for professional help and I'll pay for it. You need it."

(You duckies know how I feel about hiring people for work...it's so A-list. I almost took up his offer for professional help just because it would be free.)
But it dawned on me that Nick was displacing his anger for not being able to persuade me to come over to his hotel to "show him affection." I told him he just made forgetting about him so much easier. I wish you the best duckie.

Wooohuh, enough about Nick!

There's an issue that's been bothering me for the longest. The University of Hartford doesn't take VISA any longer!



And guess what kind of cards are issued by Bank of America (which happens to be the only bank on campus)? VISA!

WTF?! Doesn't anyone else see anything wrong with this picture? In addition to this financial-sass if you do not have Bank of America, the ATMs on campus charge you an extra $2...on top of your withdrawal and what your home bank will charge you. Sometimes I only have $2 in my account so I'm glad I have Bank of America (lol sorry I like to shop). I'll get over it eventually.

In other news, yesterday was Ash Wednesday and I totally forgot until I stared at this girl's forehead, walking toward me, thinking she fell forehead first into dirt. My people-friend Alyssa calls it Catholic Hobo Chic. I call it...


Anywho, it's time for some "Words of Wisdom."

"Never chase after someone that runs away without hesitation. If something gives you blatant signs of not wanting to be with you, let them run off and miss your splendid offerings. It's hard to let go of what you know. But duckie, you're worth more than you think."



Penny: Thank you for becoming a follower of my blog and for being beautiful.
Alexis:
This day is yours! It's always a pleasure to be in the library when you're working. It makes me so happy that someone funny and efficient is on the staff.
Pete: Thanks for not letting me be the only gross one on campus.
Alyssa: A-list ('nuff said.)
Noelle: Happy 22nd duckie! You're so beautiful and I know amazing things are in your future. All I have to say is "Move that bus!" lol
Rockstar: We had a beautiful radio show today. I wish we had recorded it. (There's always next time.)
J Boys: Thanks for being your spectacular selves and thank you for stopping by the studio today.
It's been a long day and tomorrow is going to be just as magnificent. I wish you the best of happiness. Stay true duckies.

Peace, love & Obama,
Gabriel Anderson

Wrapping Salmon

Hey there beauties!  Today was an amazing day.  I started it off with a grande 

Caramel Macchiato

(with room for milk) from Starbucks and my day was smooth sailing from then on.  I actually got to edit a manuscript that's coming out in Fall 2009.  It has some intense material.  What makes it even better is there was sassy dialogue and cursing in it; my two favorites!  

Anyway, after work Nick called me and we went out to a restaurant .  It was fabulous (his words exactly).  The salmon was divine...but the spinach (I hate spinach if its not creamed) was anything but.  I think the flame that was once doused between us is starting to pick up speed.  He reminds me of Big from Sex and the City; we've been through so much but over time we tend to gravitate toward each other.

Anywho, I'm a dumb ass...well at least for today.  I was wrapping gifts for my family in the living room, making sure I had the chain on the main entrance door so no one would catch me.  So I finish wrapping my supervisor's gift (the Burberry Teddy Bear I got Saturday) and I was so busy trying to put my Mom''s gift away before she got home...that I left my Dad's gift, out in the open!!!  He came in and everything was fine.  It wasn't until he got up and saw it, saying:

"This is a nice hat.  Whose hat is this?"

I was floored.  I forgot I had his gift out in the open.  I couldn't even hide my expression.  My jaw dropped and my eyes went wide.  He read my face and instantly knew it was soon to be his.  I just reacted saying:

"Merry Christmas."

(When he was wasn't looking I wrapped the hat and put it with the other gifts lol...I'm a sassy lil' devil.)

Ugh...I think I'm going to have to get him another gift to make up for my absent-mindedness.  It's such a nice hat too.  It's a royal blue North Face skully-hat.

(I couldn't find a picture of a royal blue hat lol.)

Hey, it's just another reason for me to go shopping.  With that being said, let's get to the quote of the day for Dec. 23rd:

"Don't be intimidated by those who are more 'accomplished' than you.  Stay focused and your success will come.  And remember...they were once in your shoes."

I have to go finish wrapping gifts for my family before I go to bed, since they're all sleeping now.  I wish you the best of happiness.  Stay true pretties.

Peace, love & Obama,

Gabriel Anderson