Evil Laughter

How's it going my darling duckies? I hope know everything is smashing on your end.  This past week has been so fun that...I can hardly remember it actually LOL.  I guess I had too much fun partying and laughing.

Speaking of laughing, I saw "EVIL DEAD" this past Thursday with my friend Jessie.  I thought I was gonna be scared shitless after seeing it, like how I was after seeing "Insidious," (which still scares me.)*

*(Even while posting this picture and writing on it I can't look at that demon without shaking.  If you wanna be scared, watch "Insidious.")

Anywho, back to what I was saying...oh right!  

"EVIL DEAD" is probably one of the funniest horror movies I've ever seen.  There were times in the movie where I would be laughing so loud and abruptly that I would have been embarrassed...if I hadn't been buzzed/well-and-tipsy at the time.  (I'll go more into that later.)

OMG! I just invented a Word of the Week on the spot.

Well-and-tipsy aka W.A.T. (prononucned whel-aend-tehp-see): intoxicated on a functional level; buzzed; a little drunk

Example: "Mom get off my back.  I only had like four beers.  I'm just well-and-tipsy."

(Okay back to the movie!)

There was this one line in the movie where I couldn't stop laughing for a good four minutes: I'm not exaggerating in the least.  For those who have seen the movie I'm referring to the part where--I won't give away too much detailing for those who haven't seen it but want to--the brother was looking down and talking to his possessed sister.  One of the lines she said to him was hilarious.  There was a point where I couldn't breathe and I was crying because the line was just that funny.  Reciting it aloud, even now, makes me giggle.  I was laughing for so long that people were laughing at me because I couldn't stop laughing.  I seriously had to compose myself in order to pay attention to the rest of the movie.

Even though there are some very scary and jumpy parts in the movie, I found it to be the funniest (serious) horror movie I've ever seen.  I can't wait to get it on DVD.

To rewind a bit, before Jessie and I went to see "EVIL DEAD" she and I went out to get a bite to eat and to get some drinks.  We stopped at this cute Thai and Asian restaurant called Cafetasia, in Greenwich Village for their wonderful happy hour special.  Jessie and I had been there before, but on separate occasions.  Jessie introduced me to her favorite dish: the Crispy Fillet of Flounder.  Oh my sweet baby Jesus in a onesie!

The fish was so fresh that I swear they just caught it right when I ordered the flounder.  It was so much food too that I couldn't even finish it.  And it was only $12!  In addition to our lovely meal, we had a few drinks and we got this thing called a "Rainbow Shot."

Isn't it so pretty?!

Then after dinner we went to watch "EVIL DEAD."  Then we went to Jessie's house, where our friend Tess met us.  We basically hung out and laughed some more.  I tried showing them Louis C.K.'s comedy stand-up special "Oh My God," but the connection to HBO GO was more like HBO-OH-HELL-NO!

The next day, Friday, I went to work and had a fabulous time as usual.  I had my first same-sex couple and it was an absolute honor to help them.  Having the right to marry the one you love, in the face of oppression and ignorance, is a very brave and empowering act.  I wish you both well and I look forward to having you two come back.

That night my school, University of Hartford, was throwing an event at SideBar down in Union Square in the city; which happens to be less than 10 blocks away from my job.  So I went there and saw so many of my dear friends from school...and made some new ones too.  We drank and chatted about our new lives post-Hartford.  

Oh!  While we were at the bar they were about to catch the second suspect in the Boston marathon bombing and when they found him the bar started screaming and applauding.  Then I knew it was chance to start a chant.  So I immediately put my fist in the air and started chanting: USA! USA! USA!  And I don't know how but everyone in the bar joined in and it was so unifying and hysterical.

(I can now scratch "Start a USA chant" off my bucket list.)

Following the alumni event the gay alumni and I went to this bar/club/lounge called Therapy in Hell's Kitchen.    I had never been there but I loved it because I wanted to dance.  I danced so hard, dipped so low, popped it, backed it up, "salsa-ed," lip-synced, and turned their little stage into a showcase for my stellar dance moves.  I asked the DJ to play "Single Ladies" because I was in rare form that night but he didn't.  As a consolation he played "Get Me Bodied" and I killed that, even though it had been years since my last performance. LOL So full of myself.

When leaving I ran into my friend Alex, which was so random but delightful all at once.  We chatted for a bit but then I had to head home because I had to nurse a hangover in the morning before work.

Other than that nothing much happened.  Now I feel like I'm 60 because thanks to being a dancehall queen at Therapy my legs are incredibly sore.  Walking down stairs is like dying every two seconds.  I can't go down stairs without squeezing the life out of the banister.  And when I walk I'm sure it looks like I'm smuggling diamonds up my asshole.

But I think I've said enough.  I believe it's time for some Words of Wisdom.

"Common courtesy is not as common as you think.  A simple 'please' or 'thank you' can actually lift the spirits of many.  Respect is earned but cordiality should be a given.  Smile at a stranger.  Hold a door for someone behind you.  Give credit where it's due.  You never know who's watching and how far a little deed can take you."

Okay my loves I gotta go eat and then take everything out of my room.  A contractor is coming this week and is putting down new flooring in my room, as well as replacing my door and threshold.  So much! Grrrrr LOL.

I hope you have a magical week.

I love you for reading.

Stay classy.  Stay sassy.

-Gabriel Anderson

"Use 'Em & Lose 'Em"

Salutations my beautiful readers.  I hope you duckies are all doing well because life is just fantastic on this end.  Oh!  Happy Belated Easter/Zombie Jesus Day to you all!

(To all my devout followers who believe in Jesus, I am just joking.  I make jokes.  You'll get over it.)

Anyway, I've come to the conclusion that I'm attracted to men; however, I don't like them very much.  Yes, I've loved men in the past and have formed some intense and very delightful relationships with them.  But they have never been long-lasting or that entertaining.

I've really been thinking about this as of late and it's starting to make sense.  Maybe I'm just thinking too hard about the assholes that have betrayed me because I was watching "The Greatest Story Ever Told," yesterday.  (For those who aren't familiar with this particular film it's about Jesus and his life.  Very religious.)

In pretty much all of my relationships I have dated a "Judas," a betrayer.  Either they turned out to be emotionally or verbally abusive, bat-shit bonkers, or they decided that "messing around with guys" was just a phase.  Regardless of the reason I've always been left alone wondering what I did wrong in the relationship; but when I look at my relationships, I was always the good guy.

I would be the one compromising or the one forgiving them for calling me out of my name.  I think I'm just too nice and welcoming.  One of my faults is I tend to believe words rather than actions and I fall hard and fast.

I think the best thing for me is to get my life in order and not worry about love at the moment.  

Years ago, I heard someone say this in an interview and I was floored at why she would say such a thing.  Lady GaGa was being interviewed by Jay Leno--while I was in college--and he asked if she was dating or currently courting anyone.  Her answer was "I don't really worry about things like love anymore."  Hearing this then made me think she was some talented loon who must have been too busy to entertain the idea of a relationship.

Years later she came out with the song "Judas" and she got so much heat for it because it came off as blasphemous.  However, I love Lady GaGa so I'm biased when it comes to her; ergo, I loved the song LOL.  However, her explanation was quite riveting.  She elaborated that the biblical reference rang true to her own life because she had been a quite a few relationships with guys who were gentlemen at first but then betrayed her when she needed them the most.

So now I believe love isn't in the cards for me right now.  I won't object the idea of it, but looking for it is totally out of the question.

I just got inspired to give you a new Word of the Week.

Judasarian (pronounced joo-dis-sar-ee-an): betrayer; faulty person; one who leaves in the hour of need.

Example: "A friend who leaves you alone, in the middle of a fight because they're afraid, is a Judasarian."

Speaking of Judasarians, let me tell you about this guy I met about a week ago.  His name is ZaMorrie.  Yup, that's his real name.  I don't care if he reads this because what he did was incredibly treacherous.  

We were talking for a couple days and we planned on hooking up eventually.  Well this past Saturday night after I got home from work he texts me, drunk, and wanted me to come over to fuck him.  I, being the hornball I am, will hardly turn down any opportunity to have sex with attractive men (soon to be women...shhhh you didn't hear that) decided I would try my best to get over there.  Unfortunately for me, I only had one fare ($2.50) on my Metrocard.

I was in luck though because ZaMorrie told me that he would put me back on the train with no problem.  Duckies, I have never let my house without having a fare to get back home.  Anywho, I get to his place a little after 9 PM and we start watching a marathon of one of my favorite shows, "Guy Code," on MTV2.

Eventually we start making out and I loooooved making out with him because he smokes cigarettes.  I miss the taste of cigarettes on my tongue and having it back in my mouth on top of the pleasure from a kiss was like fireworks.

(Oh for those who don't know I stopped smoking cigarettes about 3 months ago!)

(As of April 1, 2013 at 6:25 PM this is my actual "quitting" progress.")

Moving along, we had sex like twice that night.  I practically fucked his brains out for hours, don't know how I did it, but I did LOL.  He tells me "Omg, that was amazing. Blah-blah-blah," which it was.  I enjoyed myself very much LOL. So we end up talking for a bit and go to bed around 4AM.  We wake up around 11AM entangled in each other's limbs, snuggling.

We get dressed and start heading toward the train station.  When we get past the front gate of his apartment building, he stops and says: "Shit, I forgot my wallet.  I can't help you out without that.  I'll be right back."

I'm like: "Cool.  I'll be down here waiting."

TEN MINUTES LATER...still no ZaMorrie.  Thinking he really can't find his wallet I shoot him a text, jokingly, saying: "Did you just ditch me? LOL."

An additional five minutes past and still no ZaMorrie.

Some dude in a suit comes out of the main door and let's me in because he obviously sees that I'm waiting for someone.  I go up the three flights to ZaMorrie's apartment and ring the doorbell.

I hear movement toward the door and then it stops.  He lives with his sister and I assume she was about to open the door because right before she could turn the handle he says:

"Don't open it!  That's him."

Then I heard the peephole open and close. Then I heard nothing else.

So basically ZaMorrie--I'll be nice enough not to share his last name--turned out to be a great big asshole in disguise.

Luckily for me I was only a good forty-five minutes WALK away from my house, so I made it home safely.  But what if I didn't know how to get home?  He would really use me and ditch me like that, after being such a "gentleman?"  Guys like ZaMorrie give men, gay and straight, a bad name.  Oh and if you're reading this, I don't feel bad now that your ex-husband cheated on you during your 10-year marriage by throwing sex parties with his friends.

Oh no, did I just tell the world that?  Oh well...

In other news, remember that cute dude I was talking to you about who is currently trying to end it with his boyfriend?  Well one of my predictions were right.  The day after I posted about him I had a conversation with him and he told me that after this relationship he's going to enjoy the single life for quite a bit.

Honestly, I don't blame him because being in a relationship is a full-time job.  And with the gay assholes running rampant in New York City (and Atlanta aka gay mecca) true love is a hard thing to come by.  But I'm going to keep on doing what I do best: being fabulous, sassy, and classy.

Speaking of classy, my friend Dave is one-sixth of this awesome band called "The Hunting Party," and they're having a concert this Friday, April 5th, 2013 at 8pm.  Click here to learn more about the band and hear their music and click here to learn more about the event.  

Unfortunately I won't be able to jam with them because my uncle's birthday is this Friday and he never celebrates it...but this year he wants to go to Johnny Utah's.  Plus I don't get off work on Friday until 8pm and I wouldn't wanna miss a minute of The Hunting Party's awesomeness.  Go and check them out this Friday.  You won't be disappointed!

I've spoken enough.  Let's get to some Words of Wisdom.

"Success isn't about where you are now, it's about what you're doing to get what you want later.  Success doesn't happen overnight but when it does it happens because you've paid your dues and you've fought for it.  Don't ever quit dreaming."

Okay my loves, tomorrow is my first official day as a Bridal Registry Consultant.  The last two weeks were just basic training.  Now I finally get to be in my pristine department.  Yay!

I love you for reading.  Have a fabulous week duckies!

-Gabriel Anderson

In Love

Hey there duckies!  I'm sure all is well on your end...and if things aren't just know that everything will be in time.

Loves, I am so in love...with my job.  I know it's only been a week (and it's only training/orientation) but I absolutely love working at Bed Bath & Beyond.  Tomorrow will be my first day in my actual department--Bridal Registry--and I'm so excited.  My direct manager seems so fun and I feel like we're going to have a great time working together.  I think I'm an invaluable employee because I always put 100% into every task given, if it's just doing something on Microsoft Excel.

Oh! You know how every job comes with a manual about your company, covering topics like sexual harassment, fraternizing, and other important matters?  Well I read the entire manual and I found out something interesting.

I discovered that since I am now an employee of the company and that I mention the company in my blog, I must make a disclaimer.  Well, here is my official disclaimer as a Bed Bath and Beyond employee.

I, Antoine Gardner, an employee of Bed Bath and Beyond, as of March 18, 2013, hereby inform the readers of this blog that I am expressing only my opinion and no one else's on this social media platform.  I will not post confidential matters about my employer on this platform and everything posted here is solely my opinion and my opinion alone.  Thank you.

Anyway, now that that's taken care of let's get to something juicy.  Remember the hottie I was talking about last time?

Well he's just a great guy.  He's too young for my liking, meaning we can't even legally go out for drinks, but he seems like a real cool dude.  I would definitely enjoy being his friend outside of work, as well as being a cordial co-worker.  In addition, there's tons of eye candy at my store anyway to keep my entertained...but I will NEVER approach someone about pursuing a romantic/intimate relationship and/or fling because I don't fuck where I eat, for the most part.

I think I'm going to really enjoy this job because the people at my job are in my age bracket, for the most part, so I'll be able to converse and relate to them.  At my other jobs people were usually older than me and all they wanted to talk about was my youthful and crazy life or something old people talk about, like retirement, children, and their dislike of Lady Gaga.

In other news, I've developed a slight crush on someone and recently exchanged numbers with them.  He is so dreamy.

He's a "friend of a friend" and right when I met him I had a feeling he was a person that listened to "my kind of music."  We exchanged numbers and one day we both got really intoxicated--well, I can't speak for him; I know I was--and I shot him some texts telling him that I found him extremely attractive.  And guess what he said?  "Wow, thank you.  I think you're very handsome and you have a pretty smile."

Do you know how quickly my jaw dropped and how fast my face turned red?  Thank God he wasn't standing in front of me.  I probably would have tried to steal a kiss.  The fact that this dude even uttered those words, even if they were just friendly and platonic made me feel so...noticed.  He's one of those people who is as beautiful outside as they are inside, as far as I know.

Anywho, we kept conversing via text and then I asked if he was single.  He told me he was currently trying to get out of a relationship that wasn't working out anymore.

I feel a bit indifferent about this update because four things could happen:

1) He could hash things out with his significant other and they could get back with each other;

2) He could end things with his partner and he could just want to be single for awhile;

3) He could terminate the relationship and make me his rebound;

4) He could end things with his dude and end up not wanting to be with me.

Although, I wouldn't mind dating him as soon as he's available, I wouldn't want to pressure him into anything.  I'm not that kind of dude.  But I wouldn't mind getting to know him.  He seems like such a sweet guy and whatever choice he makes would be cool.  I mean, just being friends with him would even tickle my fancy.  Do you know how hard it is to find real gay friends in the city without them trying to fuck you?  It's damn near impossible.

But regardless of what happens, I'm just going to focus on me.  I've been trying to find a stable job and now I have it.  It's time to keep this job so I can attain my next goal, which is to move out...AND NEVER COME BACK!

(Okay, I mean never come back in regards to me starting my true independence.  I didn't mean I wouldn't come back to visit. I love my family!)

(The above picture isn't my family--obviously--but you get the point.)

Have you guys heard Justin Timberlake's new album?! Oh-my-Jesus-on-a-bicycle!

(I can't believe I found an image of Jesus on a bicycle.  The Internet, i swear.)

Anyway, back to JT's album!

"The 20/20 Experience" is a divine masterpiece.  I am proud to say that I am a Justin Timberlake fan because his musicianship has really matured and this album really showcases his vocal talents and musicality.  I was floored at how wonderfully every song flowed into the next.  (I'm currently listening to it right now actually.  I can't stop!)  He only has a total of 10 songs on his album, including his first single off the album "Suit & Tie," but the album is over an hour long.  The average length of a song has to be around 7 minutes but it doesn't feel like that at all.  Justin Timberlake has truly come back to the relevancy of chart-topping hits once again, like he never missed a beat.

Oh! I keep forgetting to mention this duckies.  I have an Instagram account and you should follow me.  I mean everyone in their right mind should.  My Instagram handle/username is Antoinelikesbeer.  (Click here or any mention of Instagram on this page to go to my profile to follow me.) I mean, if you know me, you know I love beer, especially Sapporo.

I think it's time for a new Word of the Week.

This Word of the Week is actually an acronym.

D.I.T.Y. (pronounced "dih-tee"): Did It To Yourself; getting yourself into a situation knowingly; not minding one's business; being nosy.

Ex: "Tommy, you got arrested because you were stupid enough to smoke a joint in front of your building and not inside like a smart person. You d.i.t.y.!"

Now for some Words of Wisdom:

"Most people talk about doing something with their lives, only to watch it without trying to change it for the better.   How do you expect to stand out and progress if you're sitting down?  Take charge of every situation you're in and make sure to tweak it so you end as the winner in every situation.  If you don't come out as the winner get off the floor, dust yourself off, and try again.  This is your life."

Okay my loves. I hope you all have a wonderful week and sexy weekend.

I love you for reading.

-Gabriel Anderson

Reading does the body good

Well hello beautiful. Today has been such a phenomenal day. Nothing really eventful happened but if felt good to be back on campus, seeing all my pretty duckies. People have been complaining about the upcoming week already but I think saying how horrible it is aloud is another way of forcefully believing a horrific outcome. So to all those sad duckies worrying about the "impending doom" of this week...



put on a happy face because life is beautiful.

Anywho, today I had a meeting with Professor Voldemort and to my surprise he was such a doll.



We planned out the rest of my college career, seeing if I had enough credits to fulfill my double-major (in Rhetoric & Professional Writing) or let it rest as a minor. I need to take four more classes (2 during each upcoming semesters) if I wanted to fulfill the RPW major. Mind you, I still need to fulfill my other major (English, Creative Writing emphasis). (Take the survey above to help me out duckies!)

In other news, I've realized that I love my life even more when I read books (for leisure) and I recently picked up the habit again. I'm currently reading...



and it's so good. The first two sentences reeled me in and I'm eating it up. It's about this English columnist's retelling his sexual experiences...but get this. His job as a columnist is for a sex site and he is always assigned a multitude of bizarre sex adventures. It's so good. Go and buy a copy now!

Speaking of adventure, one of my people-friends Alyssa just landed a consultant job in Texas!



She'll get to travel the U.S., all jetsetter like, and her job entails (basically) being fabulous, creative and efficient. She'll have no problem at all. I love you Alyssa. I'm so excited for you!

On the topic of being excited, I was relaxing in the main student lounge on campus and a friend approached me. Midway through of conversation he (his name is Aiden) pulls out his phone, but not just any phone. He pulls out his new BlackBerry Storm!



And OMG, he even has the same chromed out case as me! I asked if he had BBM (BlackBerry Messenger) and he said yes. I'm glad he did because having a BlackBerry without BBM is like having a car without tires.

Okay duckies, it's time for some "Words of Wisdom."

"Sometimes life is too busy is keep track of all the goals we want to achieve. As a solution, make a master list of goals you'd like to achieve and place the list where you will see it everyday. Have a mission statement at the top of when you'd like to achieve these goals. Envision yourself with the goals you've proposed and before you know it...your goals will become a reality. Believe in yourself duckies!"
(Here's a pic of my "Life Contract" for 2009.)





Eddie: I saw you today at the Nest and after I was coming back from the library. I want you to know that I appreciate you and I thank you for taking time to read my blog. I thoroughly enjoyed our outrageous conversation in the foyer of Eagle Hall. I love you fam!

Limp Biscuit: You know who you are. I am sooooooo glad that you are well. I was shocked to hear about your ski accident and I'm glad you're still divine. I can't express how much I loved our conversation on the phone last night. Thank you for being you.

Duckies, it's been a long day and tomorrow is going to be even more attractive. I wish you the best of happiness. Stay true.

Peace, love & Obama,
Gabriel Anderson

"Oh No He Did Not!"

I woke up around 2:30pm today. I wasn't hungover or anything. I just don't have classes or anything really important to do on Mondays, Wednesday or Fridays. Let me stop lying...there's always work to do, especially if you have two internships, classes, a bountiful social life and a campus secret. (You provably know it already so keep it to yourself pretties.) Anywho, I had to run some errands for Career Services today (i.e. interview someone for the website.) It was quite fun. But on my way back to the room I heard some weird noises. I honestly thought someone was being murdered in my apartment. I was hesitant to unlock my apartment door. Come to find out, one of my roommates that's hardly around was singing. Being the little creeper that I am I recorded him. (Audio is totally legal. Take that law students!)

(TURN YOUR SPEAKERS UP TO HEAR IT!)



I hope you guys got your kicks out of that because I had to deal with that for hours. Anywho, people have been upset that the inspirational text messaging has ceased. But guess what pretties?! You are not paying my phone bill. Read it and believe it! (I feel like I'm being a little sassy today...I apologize if I've offended any of you. But if I have...this blog probably isn't for you; love you though.)
Beyonce's album is coming out on iTunes in less than 120 minutes (that's two hours). I am so excited!!! My friend Larry and I were conversing about Beyonce's PR and how much of a fool they are. All of Beyonce's new album (in its entirety) is on her MySpace page and have been available for legal ringtone downloads for Verizon, for the past few weeks. WTF? I mean I love that I have a feel for the album that's coming out in less than two hours but get it together PR person. Sasha Fierce, fire them ASAP. I should be your PR! I would never do that to you. I love you!
(Woooohuh!) I had to let that out, I'm sorry. I just saw the men's basketball team lose to UCONN; there was like a 40 or 50 point lead for UCONN. At least we tried. Oh it snowed today for like 5 minutes! I was almost in tears. I LOVE WINTER! It holds my second favorite holiday...CHRISTMAS! (My first favorite holiday is my birthday, Aug 19Th, and my third is Halloween). Anywho, it's time for tomorrow's inspirational quote. Here it goes:

"Make sure to smile today. Smile at people you know and don't know because something as simple as a smile can mean the world to someone in need. But don't just gape your lips, make sure to make every smile as precious as the last."

On that note, I want you all to keep your heads up and make sure your roommates take singing lessons. Stay true.

Lately,
Gabriel Anderson