Evil Laughter

How's it going my darling duckies? I hope know everything is smashing on your end.  This past week has been so fun that...I can hardly remember it actually LOL.  I guess I had too much fun partying and laughing.

Speaking of laughing, I saw "EVIL DEAD" this past Thursday with my friend Jessie.  I thought I was gonna be scared shitless after seeing it, like how I was after seeing "Insidious," (which still scares me.)*

*(Even while posting this picture and writing on it I can't look at that demon without shaking.  If you wanna be scared, watch "Insidious.")

Anywho, back to what I was saying...oh right!  

"EVIL DEAD" is probably one of the funniest horror movies I've ever seen.  There were times in the movie where I would be laughing so loud and abruptly that I would have been embarrassed...if I hadn't been buzzed/well-and-tipsy at the time.  (I'll go more into that later.)

OMG! I just invented a Word of the Week on the spot.

Well-and-tipsy aka W.A.T. (prononucned whel-aend-tehp-see): intoxicated on a functional level; buzzed; a little drunk

Example: "Mom get off my back.  I only had like four beers.  I'm just well-and-tipsy."

(Okay back to the movie!)

There was this one line in the movie where I couldn't stop laughing for a good four minutes: I'm not exaggerating in the least.  For those who have seen the movie I'm referring to the part where--I won't give away too much detailing for those who haven't seen it but want to--the brother was looking down and talking to his possessed sister.  One of the lines she said to him was hilarious.  There was a point where I couldn't breathe and I was crying because the line was just that funny.  Reciting it aloud, even now, makes me giggle.  I was laughing for so long that people were laughing at me because I couldn't stop laughing.  I seriously had to compose myself in order to pay attention to the rest of the movie.

Even though there are some very scary and jumpy parts in the movie, I found it to be the funniest (serious) horror movie I've ever seen.  I can't wait to get it on DVD.

To rewind a bit, before Jessie and I went to see "EVIL DEAD" she and I went out to get a bite to eat and to get some drinks.  We stopped at this cute Thai and Asian restaurant called Cafetasia, in Greenwich Village for their wonderful happy hour special.  Jessie and I had been there before, but on separate occasions.  Jessie introduced me to her favorite dish: the Crispy Fillet of Flounder.  Oh my sweet baby Jesus in a onesie!

The fish was so fresh that I swear they just caught it right when I ordered the flounder.  It was so much food too that I couldn't even finish it.  And it was only $12!  In addition to our lovely meal, we had a few drinks and we got this thing called a "Rainbow Shot."

Isn't it so pretty?!

Then after dinner we went to watch "EVIL DEAD."  Then we went to Jessie's house, where our friend Tess met us.  We basically hung out and laughed some more.  I tried showing them Louis C.K.'s comedy stand-up special "Oh My God," but the connection to HBO GO was more like HBO-OH-HELL-NO!

The next day, Friday, I went to work and had a fabulous time as usual.  I had my first same-sex couple and it was an absolute honor to help them.  Having the right to marry the one you love, in the face of oppression and ignorance, is a very brave and empowering act.  I wish you both well and I look forward to having you two come back.

That night my school, University of Hartford, was throwing an event at SideBar down in Union Square in the city; which happens to be less than 10 blocks away from my job.  So I went there and saw so many of my dear friends from school...and made some new ones too.  We drank and chatted about our new lives post-Hartford.  

Oh!  While we were at the bar they were about to catch the second suspect in the Boston marathon bombing and when they found him the bar started screaming and applauding.  Then I knew it was chance to start a chant.  So I immediately put my fist in the air and started chanting: USA! USA! USA!  And I don't know how but everyone in the bar joined in and it was so unifying and hysterical.

(I can now scratch "Start a USA chant" off my bucket list.)

Following the alumni event the gay alumni and I went to this bar/club/lounge called Therapy in Hell's Kitchen.    I had never been there but I loved it because I wanted to dance.  I danced so hard, dipped so low, popped it, backed it up, "salsa-ed," lip-synced, and turned their little stage into a showcase for my stellar dance moves.  I asked the DJ to play "Single Ladies" because I was in rare form that night but he didn't.  As a consolation he played "Get Me Bodied" and I killed that, even though it had been years since my last performance. LOL So full of myself.

When leaving I ran into my friend Alex, which was so random but delightful all at once.  We chatted for a bit but then I had to head home because I had to nurse a hangover in the morning before work.

Other than that nothing much happened.  Now I feel like I'm 60 because thanks to being a dancehall queen at Therapy my legs are incredibly sore.  Walking down stairs is like dying every two seconds.  I can't go down stairs without squeezing the life out of the banister.  And when I walk I'm sure it looks like I'm smuggling diamonds up my asshole.

But I think I've said enough.  I believe it's time for some Words of Wisdom.

"Common courtesy is not as common as you think.  A simple 'please' or 'thank you' can actually lift the spirits of many.  Respect is earned but cordiality should be a given.  Smile at a stranger.  Hold a door for someone behind you.  Give credit where it's due.  You never know who's watching and how far a little deed can take you."

Okay my loves I gotta go eat and then take everything out of my room.  A contractor is coming this week and is putting down new flooring in my room, as well as replacing my door and threshold.  So much! Grrrrr LOL.

I hope you have a magical week.

I love you for reading.

Stay classy.  Stay sassy.

-Gabriel Anderson

Dodging Balls

Hey my loves!  I know you all are doing well because life is meant to be lived in happiness, not in strife.  This week has been pretty eventful.  Last week I remember mentioning going to my friend's house to hang out.  We did some adult things--not sex, silly duckies--and we watched episodes of "Family Guy."  The last time I saw them was around my birthday and by birthday I mean the day of my 24th year on Earth, where I was throwing up in an ex-friend's backyard.

Oh yes!  I have dismissed someone of my friendship this week.  I'm not going to lie and say he wasn't a friend to me at certain points...but he has become such a miserable and disrespectful person.  I know that I am not the easiest person to deal with sometimes but this dude was always a downer.  He'd always take things so personal and swore he was some type of gangsta.  I'm sorry but we both we to the same performing arts school from 5th to 12th grade.  If you know pieces by Schubert, Bach, Beethoven  and contemporary composers by heart, you're no one's gangsta.

Plus his lifestyle wasn't much of anything credible and he didn't seem to mind it.  He wasn't trying to better his life.  He would just wallow and smoke away his problems and complain, complain, complain.  So one thing led to another and we got into a verbal altercation via text and we ended our friendship.  Honestly, he was just a decent connect for "okay" weed.  But I do wish him well...

You know the saying, "When one door closes, another one opens?"  Well, it's ridiculous how doors open for me when I close others.  When I got off work this past Saturday my phone was dying but I was trying to call my friends to see if they wanted to hang out.  The few people I did call to hang out didn't pick up.  (Yes if you received a call from me Saturday night and you didn't pick up, you are now a cunt in my book; especially if you haven't returned my call yet.)

Anywho, no one picked up so I decided to head home.  As I was in about to go to the lower level of the train station, I noticed someone's bright neon jacket...and saw that it was my friend Jessie that I haven't seen in close to two years!  She was running for the train and totally didn't even see me so I ran behind her and when I got on the train I tapped her on the shoulder.  She turned around and her face lit up faster than flash cotton in a grease fire!

She couldn't believe it was me and she kept telling me "I'm going to embarrass you on this train!"  I was just so happy to see her that I don't even think I had time to be embarrassed.  I told her I was just getting off work and I told her I wanted to do something...AND SHE INVITED ME OVER!  

We spent the night gossiping, laughing, and just loving each other.  It was magical!

In less than twenty-four hours I got rid of one disrespectful, anger-filled reject and replaced him with an angelic, beautiful, and vivacious lady.

Since we're on the topic of vivacity, I'm gonna tell you what happened to me today.  Well I had to stop by my psychiatrist's office to pick up a prescription--only the best for Gabe--and on my way home a young boy got on the train.  He seemed nice...until he started dribbling/bouncing his basketball on the train.  Everyone was looking at him like he had grown three heads and they had every right.  This little Hispanic kid kept dribbling his ball until he got a seat and then he stopped to eat a gold-wrapped chocolate coin. (Yes I just pulled out the race umbrella, but remember I did talk about those bad-ass black kids last week.)

I thought his antics were over but after resting and stuffing his face with his gold-wrapped chocolate coin, he cringes up the foil, tosses it under the seat, and starts acting as if the train car is his own personal gym.  He became the superhero Flash, well he tried.  He was using people as "prop players" by "breaking" them and pump-faking in their faces and he used the poles as training posts to maneuver around.  He got really close to me and I was hoping he'd just trip or topple over...but instead his basketball fell on one of my pink Polo sneakers.

Before recovering his ball, he looked me in the face and said "I'm so sorry."  This little boy looked like he was about to shit his shorts but that didn't stop me from hating him and glaring at him behind my Ray-Bans.  I wanted to say something, to speak for my fellow public transportation patrons.  But everything that came to mind would make me look like the new bad guy or it ended with me in jail.  So I didn't say anything and he took that as his cue to escape.  But for the rest of my train ride he made sure to stay away from my side of the car.

In other news, I still love my job and pretty much love it even more now.  I had the cutest couple come in and we spent close to four hours walking around and adding gifts to their registry.  They are so sweet and I wish them the best life together.  Their love is the love that inspires me to wait for the right one and to stop forcing people into someone I think might be right for me.  Love doesn't come prepackaged and handed to you.  Love is like making the perfect batch of brownies.  It doesn't come to you when you force it.  It comes when you pay attention to detail and accept the ingredients into your life.  After mixing them with knowledgeable experience, then you can put that bad boy in the oven and you'll know exactly when it's ready...or you can burn the house down too.

What the fuck am I blabbering about?  I'm tired LOL.  Let's get to this week's Word of the Week. 

Marriable (pronounced mae-ree-uh-bul): eligible to partake in matrimony; one who is a bachelor or bachelorette; a single person.

Ex: "Gabe, that girl over there is so hot.  You think I can get her number?"

"You can try but by the ring on her finger, it doesn't look like she's marriable."

Now it's time for some Words of Wisdom.

"Only the boring get bored.  But if you do become bored exit your comfort zone and try something new.  Make today more interesting than yesterday and make tomorrow a promise.  Live life like a flamboyant ninja."

I'm so excited for this week.  With my new check I'll be able to pay off my gym membership from last year and start a new one because ain't nobody got time for fat! (I stole that from my friend Tracie and Sweet Brown.)  And there's an event for school's alumni to come meet up and drink in the city...AND IT'S FOUR BLOCKS AWAY FROM MY JOB! MADNESS!

I think I've said enough for this week's post.

Have a fabulous week and keep it sassy.

I love you for reading!

-Gabriel Anderson