Dodging Balls

Hey my loves!  I know you all are doing well because life is meant to be lived in happiness, not in strife.  This week has been pretty eventful.  Last week I remember mentioning going to my friend's house to hang out.  We did some adult things--not sex, silly duckies--and we watched episodes of "Family Guy."  The last time I saw them was around my birthday and by birthday I mean the day of my 24th year on Earth, where I was throwing up in an ex-friend's backyard.

Oh yes!  I have dismissed someone of my friendship this week.  I'm not going to lie and say he wasn't a friend to me at certain points...but he has become such a miserable and disrespectful person.  I know that I am not the easiest person to deal with sometimes but this dude was always a downer.  He'd always take things so personal and swore he was some type of gangsta.  I'm sorry but we both we to the same performing arts school from 5th to 12th grade.  If you know pieces by Schubert, Bach, Beethoven  and contemporary composers by heart, you're no one's gangsta.

Plus his lifestyle wasn't much of anything credible and he didn't seem to mind it.  He wasn't trying to better his life.  He would just wallow and smoke away his problems and complain, complain, complain.  So one thing led to another and we got into a verbal altercation via text and we ended our friendship.  Honestly, he was just a decent connect for "okay" weed.  But I do wish him well...

You know the saying, "When one door closes, another one opens?"  Well, it's ridiculous how doors open for me when I close others.  When I got off work this past Saturday my phone was dying but I was trying to call my friends to see if they wanted to hang out.  The few people I did call to hang out didn't pick up.  (Yes if you received a call from me Saturday night and you didn't pick up, you are now a cunt in my book; especially if you haven't returned my call yet.)

Anywho, no one picked up so I decided to head home.  As I was in about to go to the lower level of the train station, I noticed someone's bright neon jacket...and saw that it was my friend Jessie that I haven't seen in close to two years!  She was running for the train and totally didn't even see me so I ran behind her and when I got on the train I tapped her on the shoulder.  She turned around and her face lit up faster than flash cotton in a grease fire!

She couldn't believe it was me and she kept telling me "I'm going to embarrass you on this train!"  I was just so happy to see her that I don't even think I had time to be embarrassed.  I told her I was just getting off work and I told her I wanted to do something...AND SHE INVITED ME OVER!  

We spent the night gossiping, laughing, and just loving each other.  It was magical!

In less than twenty-four hours I got rid of one disrespectful, anger-filled reject and replaced him with an angelic, beautiful, and vivacious lady.

Since we're on the topic of vivacity, I'm gonna tell you what happened to me today.  Well I had to stop by my psychiatrist's office to pick up a prescription--only the best for Gabe--and on my way home a young boy got on the train.  He seemed nice...until he started dribbling/bouncing his basketball on the train.  Everyone was looking at him like he had grown three heads and they had every right.  This little Hispanic kid kept dribbling his ball until he got a seat and then he stopped to eat a gold-wrapped chocolate coin. (Yes I just pulled out the race umbrella, but remember I did talk about those bad-ass black kids last week.)

I thought his antics were over but after resting and stuffing his face with his gold-wrapped chocolate coin, he cringes up the foil, tosses it under the seat, and starts acting as if the train car is his own personal gym.  He became the superhero Flash, well he tried.  He was using people as "prop players" by "breaking" them and pump-faking in their faces and he used the poles as training posts to maneuver around.  He got really close to me and I was hoping he'd just trip or topple over...but instead his basketball fell on one of my pink Polo sneakers.

Before recovering his ball, he looked me in the face and said "I'm so sorry."  This little boy looked like he was about to shit his shorts but that didn't stop me from hating him and glaring at him behind my Ray-Bans.  I wanted to say something, to speak for my fellow public transportation patrons.  But everything that came to mind would make me look like the new bad guy or it ended with me in jail.  So I didn't say anything and he took that as his cue to escape.  But for the rest of my train ride he made sure to stay away from my side of the car.

In other news, I still love my job and pretty much love it even more now.  I had the cutest couple come in and we spent close to four hours walking around and adding gifts to their registry.  They are so sweet and I wish them the best life together.  Their love is the love that inspires me to wait for the right one and to stop forcing people into someone I think might be right for me.  Love doesn't come prepackaged and handed to you.  Love is like making the perfect batch of brownies.  It doesn't come to you when you force it.  It comes when you pay attention to detail and accept the ingredients into your life.  After mixing them with knowledgeable experience, then you can put that bad boy in the oven and you'll know exactly when it's ready...or you can burn the house down too.

What the fuck am I blabbering about?  I'm tired LOL.  Let's get to this week's Word of the Week. 

Marriable (pronounced mae-ree-uh-bul): eligible to partake in matrimony; one who is a bachelor or bachelorette; a single person.

Ex: "Gabe, that girl over there is so hot.  You think I can get her number?"

"You can try but by the ring on her finger, it doesn't look like she's marriable."

Now it's time for some Words of Wisdom.

"Only the boring get bored.  But if you do become bored exit your comfort zone and try something new.  Make today more interesting than yesterday and make tomorrow a promise.  Live life like a flamboyant ninja."

I'm so excited for this week.  With my new check I'll be able to pay off my gym membership from last year and start a new one because ain't nobody got time for fat! (I stole that from my friend Tracie and Sweet Brown.)  And there's an event for school's alumni to come meet up and drink in the city...AND IT'S FOUR BLOCKS AWAY FROM MY JOB! MADNESS!

I think I've said enough for this week's post.

Have a fabulous week and keep it sassy.

I love you for reading!

-Gabriel Anderson

Bad Apples

Hi duckies!  I hope everything is awesome on your end.  I know I'm just doing swell.  As you know last week was my first complete week in my department: Bridal & Gift Registry.

Every one of my co-workers, even those who aren't in my department keep asking me the same question:

"Antoine, how do you feel about Bridal so far?"

And my answer is always the same:

"I feel like such a dweeb...because I absolutely love it."

My department stands out from the rest because everything is so pristine and looks so formal.  In addition, the dress code for my department is a little more...dressy.  I wish you could see the outfits I wear to work; sometimes I even dazzle myself with the coordination and colorful ensembles I can pull off.

(Just an example of my everyday work clothes.  I wore gray slacks and brown suede Calvin Klein with this ensemble.)

One of the things I love most about my job is I pretty much dress like this everyday so when asked during my interview if being "dressed-up" would be hassle I told them that the necktie is my favorite accessory.  Besides being fully naked, I feel most comfortable in a suit and tie.

Oh!  On my way to work one day I was starving and I happened to be passing a farmer's market.  So I decided to buy the cheapest thing because that's what you do when you're 1) starving 2) rushing to work 3) and don't wanna be molested by someone's Great Dane at a Farmer's Market.

The cheapest thing happened to be one red delicious apple, which happens to be my absolute favorite apple.  It's just something about the crispness of each bite and sweetness of its core that entices my taste buds.

Anywho, I'm rushing to work and eating my apple when this black dude was trying to sell his Hip-Hop/Rap album. He turns and says to me:

"If you love apples, I'll guarantee you'll love my album."

I couldn't help myself from laughing, but I quickly retorted with, "Nothing's more 'gangsta' than an apple!" before resuming with my rushing.

Speaking of apples, I ran into some bad ones on the train last night.  On my way home from work last night a mother came onto the train with four little children and they seemed so angelic.  They were these cute little black kids that seemed so full of energy: one boy came onto the train jumping like a little kangaroo, the only girl came into the train car laughing, one eagerly turned in his seat--onto his knees--to look at the bypassing trains, and the other one desperately needed a Kleenex.  I mean this boy's nose was running faster than a Kenyan.

I was reading David Sedaris' "Me Talk Pretty One Day," (he's one of my absolute favorite authors, check him out), and I had my headphones in my ears, meaning I was dead to the world.  However, these angelic little children caught my attention with their not-so-angelic antics.

It takes a lot for me to be constantly distracted from a book, especially anything written by David Sedaris.  The smiles and turning in their seats from the little angels quickly turned into screaming and swinging around poles.  The girl was sitting next to a very handsome Caucasian man, must have been in his late 20's or early 30's, who was bewitched by the children's initial charm but was quickly dismayed when the young girl decided to use his leg as an arm rest.  This must have been incredibly awkward for the man because I obviously saw his body tense and he was squirming so the little girl would get the hint and remove her elbow from his mid-thigh.  Eventually the man got off the train and didn't have to suffer the tyranny of the children.  The others kids were hitting each other and running throughout the train car and were knocking into people, without saying a thing, and while all of this was happening the mother did nothing but bop her head to her music...for the most part.

She hit the one with the snotty nose because he seemed to be the gremlin of the group.  I could just feel the "bad" emitting from his little frame, as he sat directly across from me mouthing words that made snot fall into his mouth.  He didn't deserve a napkin though.  He kept taunting the mother was an empty Easter basket, tapping her with it until she snapped and hit him.  And he would just laugh and start the process again.  I was so distracted from reading that I had to go to the other side of the car so I could try my best to finish the current chapter before I had to get off the train.  But with my luck the kids were like watching an embarrassing car crash.  I couldn't keep my eyes off of them.

I don't know if it was the little girl dropping it like it was hot or the boys rolling on the floor but I felt sorry for the mother because everyone kept looking at one another, myself included, thinking, "How the fuck does she live with these pack of demons?"

Fortunately enough the pack of demons and negligent mother exited the train before I had to so I was able to finish my daily reading without further distraction.

In other news, have I mentioned how much I love my job?  Like I really love it!  I escorted my first couple around my store yesterday and they were such a delight.  We walked around for close to two hours and it was fabulous.  I really built a relationship with the couple and it was actually easier than I was told it would be.  Yes, some things I still need to brush up on, like where certain things are in the store LOL, but I did well for the most part.

I also did my first housewarming registry as well, and that went swimmingly.  I think this department is exactly what I've been looking for because I love everything about it so far.  Some of my co-workers told me it can get a little crazy with couples sometimes...but I'm so ready for it.  I've been through fire and ice and I'm still kicking.

Last night I had to close the stores with one of the best consultants and I asked her honest opinion of my work ethic so far and she said, "I think I may have some competition."

My voice got so high when I said "Thank you," to her and I was absolutely floored.  I found it to be such high praise coming from her because she is incredible at her job and I idolize her commitment to the department.  She does so much for the company and I just want to thank her.  Thank you Milagros!  You are an angel and a shining star that never quits.

Okay duckies, I've said enough for the moment.  Let's get to some Words of Wisdom.

"A winner never quits and a quitter never wins.  If you believe in what you do, then approval should be the least of your worries.  Just start doing what you love and focus on the end result because if you do that the journey will be twice as fun."

I think it's time for a Word of the Week.

This word of the week is:

Fun-sucker (pronounced phun-suh-cer): one who enjoys destroying the jovial side of things; a person who never sees the silver lining; a pessimist.

Example: "Oh honey, you better not invite George to your anniversary party.  He's going through a terrible divorce and he can be a real fun-sucker at celebratory events."

OMG!  I forgot to mention that I went to see "Jurassic Park" in IMAX 3D this past Saturday...and it made me love the film even more, which I didn't think was possible.  The sound was incredible.  The picture clarity was astonishing and I cannot wait for the rumored "Jurassic Park 4" that's said to come out next year.

Okay my loves.  I want to go have some fun and get crazy with my sexy friends.  It's going to be a beautiful night.

Have a wonderful week my loves. 

I love you for reading.

-Gabriel Anderson