Do What Makes You Happy

Hola duckies!

Excuse my Spanglish.  I'm feeling very spicy today.  I figured since my posts are pretty lengthy, I will post once a week from now on.  Monday evenings sound about right.  Yes, I said it: NEW POSTS EVERY MONDAY!  Yaaaaay! Gabe is back, bitches!

There is so much gossip to spill and I am ready to share it with you all.  I want to get something off my chest first.  

For all of my fellow classmates that have big boy and girl jobs, I applaud you.  I asked a wise man--he's 30 with a PHD and lives the life I desire--so he's wise in my book--a question.  He's always in different parts of the world every other day.  He's so damn sexy and his passport is his best friend.  I asked him what his secret was...do you know what he said?  He told me, "Antoine, do what makes you happy."

This simple statement moved me.  Do what makes you happy.  I had to think what makes me happy.  I thought of writing, acting, and being with my real friends...not the people I hang out with just because sometimes friends come in a package deal. (Mhmmm, I said it.)

Writing makes me happy and I forgot how therapeutic and freeing it is.  Writing for me isn't just putting words onto a piece of paper, or monitor.  Writing is an orgasmic mind release that enables me to express myself in a way speech cannot at times.  You can ask any of my good friends who have received cards or letters, (yes, I still write letters to people), from me.  I put my all into every word I place in sentences.  Sentences are the bridges I use to touch the hearts of others and I forgot how much I loved doing it.  So now I'm gonna do what makes me happy.  I'm gonna pick up where I left off on May 16, 2010.  It's been close to a three year break of recovery and laziness, but I'm here and it's time to be strategic and get my life back in order.

Speaking of strategy, my last job ended in December, and by ended I mean I was fired.  Long story short the assistant principal of the school hated me and fired me because I called out like twice.  I don't regret getting fired.  It was kind of liberating.

Being fired by someone you hate coming to work to see, because they're a complete and utter fucking cunt, is like getting hugged by the Snuggle bear.

The only thing I do miss about working at the school is the kids.  Some were complete terrors but some could make you cry just from seeing them march down the halls in their school uniform.  One kid in particular used to run up to me and hug my leg whenever he saw me.  His name was Valentino and he pulled my heartstrings with his cuteness.  He is one of the reasons why I want to have kids: that pure innocence and acceptance of life.  Thank you Valentino for making my life better, one leg-hug at a time.

Anywho, I was talking about strategy and got distracted by cute memories.  I have an interview with Bed, Bath, & Beyond tomorrow morning.  I really want this job because I have never seen a melancholy employee at any of their locations.  And all of them seem so knowledgeable.

I landed the interview because I went to this awesome job fair in the city and the hiring manager/scouts loved my energy.  This is exactly how it went when I approached their job station.

"Oh hi, I'm Antoine Gardner.  Let me just start by telling you how much I love your products."

(Laughter ensues) "Thank you Antoine."

"You're more than welcome.  I was wondering what positions you have available in the city," I said pulling out my resume.

 "Well have you ever worked in retail?"

"I have actually.  I worked at the NBA store, when they were on fifth avenue.  It was an eye-opening experience.  I got up, close, and personal with tourists in ways I didn't think were possible."

(Laughter ensues again.) "Well, what department would you like to work in, if hired?"

(Pause) "I honestly don't know.  I would say bedding but that's pretty much one-third of the store--"

"How about our baby and bridal registry department?"

"OH MY GOD, YESSS!" (Realizing I pretty much just screamed at the hiring manager.) "I'm so sorry that I got that excited.  That sounds perfect."

(She laughs.) "We do need people with personality, Antoine.  We'll make sure to call you for an interview."

And BAM, a couple days later someone called me to set up my interview.

In other news, I have become obsessed with the show "The Walking Dead."

I accidentally become a fan because everyone on Earth has been raving about it, so I gave the pilot episode a go on Netflix.  And before I knew it I was up around 5AM finishing the second season.  Now I'm fully-versed with what exactly is happening and I watch the new episodes on AMC on Sunday, 9PM EST.  For those who think it's just about zombies and how they are terrorizing the world, you are sadly mistaken.  I believed this before I watched the show as well.  The show is a perfect portrayal of what would happen if a worldwide epidemic would happen and it shows how people would probably really act in given situations.  In most cases it's not the zombies you have to worry about.  Sometimes it's your best friend that's trying to kill you in your sleep or when you two are trapped by zombies are there's no escape.  It's a series that showcases the primal instincts and character of people stuck in a world where the only possible glimmer of hope is the strength in numbers and your willingness to do what it takes to survive.  So if you have a chance, give "The Walking Dead" a peek.  You won't regret it.  And if you do, there are tons of other shows that come on Sunday.  Two of my favorite Sunday evening programs happen to be (The United States version) "Shameless" and "GIRLS." 

I love "Shameless" because it's about a family that goes through Hell pretty much every episode and it's very entertaining.  

And of course I like it because one of the main characters is gay and I see some penis in some episodes.  What? I'm gay.  I'm being honest.  I see enough boobs on pretty much every show, so of course I'm going to watch a show where there's a penis shown here and there.

"Shameless" comes on Sundays on Showtime at 9PM EST.  Check it out duckies.

"GIRLS" is a show that focuses around the life of a girl named Hannah.  Hannah is a girl who recently graduated college and is trying to find her place in life.  She's a writer and recently got an e-book deal...but there's a lot more to the story.  

The main character, Hannah, is played by the creator of the show and it is loosely based on her life and her friends.  It is so real that sometimes I find myself quoting scenes from the show and thinking, "Oh my God.  I am so Hannah right now." "GIRLS" speaks to me so vividly because it represents the struggle of the post-grad person of my generation and how crazy life is when shit happens.  The show touches on sex, passion about life, and love for yourself and others.  Do yourself a favor and go check it out!  It comes on Sundays on HBO at 10PM EST.

Since we're on the topic of love, I just realized that I've been single since the middle of my Junior year in college.  That's close to five years!!!

Trust me, it hasn't been a lonely five year stint.  I've dated some great guys and I've dated some crazies...actually they all ended up crazy or they ended up telling me they were HIV+.  (Don't worry, I didn't have sex with the positive dudes.  I'm still negative and I plan on keeping it that way.)  But my luck with men has not been the greatest and I think I know the reason.  I haven't found the "right one" because I'm not the right one for someone else.  Hear me out.  I know that I'm intelligent, funny, handsome, and other good things...but dates cost money lol.  

I need to find myself in the real world before I can share my life with someone else.  More importantly although it would be nice to cuddle myself to sleep with a dashing fella, I need to worry more about where I see myself in five years, five months, and fifteen days: I'll be 30 by then.  So for now I'll talk to boys and bat my lashes at them but I need to focus on me.  As Sheree from "The Real Housewives of Atlanta" said, "Love don't pay the bills." LOL

I know my knight in shining Ferragamo will sweep me off my feet soon enough...but universe, could you tell him to hurry up a bit, pretty please?

Oh! I almost forgot to tell you what happened to me and Elle Fox the other day,  We were at her friend's house and we were about to leave.  As we're walking toward the foyer of the lobby, we see this woman standing outside the door.  She looked as though she were waiting for someone and she wasn't looking at us.  When we got to the foyer we stopped and started talking to Elle's friend, trying to decide what to do next.  The lady scowled at us and said, "Oh you guys are gonna act like a bunch of assholes and not open the door?!"

Mind you the entrance to the foyer is pretty much all glass and I was the closest to it, so I heard her very clearly.  I swear to God, if I didn't go through therapy for my "anger issues," I probably would have blacked out and came to with my hands around her neck.  The nerve of that lady!  But as a civil human being I just opened the door for her, with her saying an unpleasant, "Thank you," and hoped her cable company shut her TV off that evening.

Anyway, since it's been a week since my last post, it's only fair that I give you loves a new WORD OF THE WEEK.

This WORD OF THE WEEK is F.I.D (which is actually an acronym).

FID (noun: pronounced as one word, fid): a man who is in denial of his homosexuality; one who fights with his inner urges to be with a man intimately; a "faggot" in denial.

Example: "I don't know why Doug is so homophobic. We all know he's gay.  He's such a nasty little fid."

I must say I do loathe the use of the word "faggot" but if you give anything power over you, it weakens you.  And anything that weakens you puts a limit on your life and I want to live mine to the fullest.

But right now, it's time for some Words of Wisdom.

"Love is what you make it.  It's not always pretty.  It's not always sane.  But I can tell you one thing: love is what makes you crack a smile when you're ugly crying.  Real love is when you still do nice things for someone, even if you don't like them at the moment.  Love responsibly and love with your whole being."

Okay duckies, I gotta go.  I have a Rib-Eye steak and squash dinner awaiting my mouth.  Plus I have to watch my "RuPaul's Drag Race" tonight.

Check out the new episode tonight at 9PM, on LOGO.  New episodes come on every Monday around that time! You betta werk!

I love you for reading.  See you next week, loves!

-Gabriel Anderson

Just Putting It Out There

My duckies! Oh my stars it has been forever since we last had any interaction.  It's been eight months...but who's counting?!

I've come to the conclusion that I have been in my own way ever since I graduated from school.  Given I underwent two nervous breakdowns--one during the summer of 2010 and another the following year, (which I'm pretty sure was a direct effect of me going through withdrawals from not taking my medication)--but I don't have any more excuses for this standstill I'm in. I've been holding myself back from adventure and employment because I'm picky.

I came to this realization toward the beginning of this month.  I received a call from a random organization saying that I applied to one of their positions and they were willing to offer me a job.  (I most likely did because I tend to just apply to any job on my iPhone, using the Monster and Indeed job applications.)  Well this guy gave me the details for the job...and I immediately declined.  The job was an administrative assistant position--one where I over-qualify--and it paid twelve dollars an hour.  Fourteen an hour isn't bad...but twelve?! I want at least seventeen an hour.  I think I deserve that much.  But here was the catch to this job...IT WAS ONLY FOR SIX MONTHS, WITHOUT THE CHANCE OF REHIRING!!!

Since I graduated I've had nothing but temp jobs and I'll let you know this now: temping sucks.  Every assignment is the same. Every boss thinks you're incompetent or a jackass because you're a temp.  And once you prove them wrong and show them your worth, your assignment there is nearly over.  In addition, most temp agencies have you sign a contract where if you work for a certain company, through them, you cannot work for the company as long as you're still employed by the agency...and sometimes you have to wait a year until you're no longer affiliated with the agency.

I feel as though I deserve a great job because I am an incredibly loyal employee.  My work ethic is impeccable--if I love my job and sometimes even when I hate it--and I deserve a big boy job where I can start a career.  I'm tired of being the new guy every other few months and having to kiss extra ass because my agency couldn't extend my stay at a particular assignment.  So now I'm steering clear of temp agencies and I'm looking for a big boy job.

Speaking of a big boy job, I'm kind of heading in the right direction toward my dream profession as a published writer.  I'm about one hundred and ten (plus) pages into my first memoir...and this writing site wants me to contribute to their blog.  And not only that, they're considering publishing one of my pieces in their annual journal publication.  If this happens this means I will officially be a writer in the eyes of the world.

To quote one of my favorite shows "GIRLS," "when most people say they want to write, they just want to stay home, eat, and, masturbate."  And as of late I stopped just eating and masturbating.  I'm writing everyday now too.

So the site is called Nomadic Sojourns Journal and the general theme behind the pieces they accept relate to movement.  Now you must be thinking, in what regard exactly? My initial thought was this site was about breaking it down to "Single Ladies" or serving "Black Swan" realness!

However, it can mean that and many things.  The Nomadic Sojourns Journal focuses on the movement of the mind, body, and spirit.  It can focus on how moved you can be by watching your firstborn son excel at a spelling bee or watching an injured kitten hobble across an alley at night.  Movement, in any sense, is the state of progressing into something you weren't before.  Without movement life wouldn't exist or at least it wouldn't be worth living.  The very essence of moving makes our blood flow, which makes our heart beat, and in effect enables us to live.  With that being said I felt honored that such an institution extended their domain and literary hand to me.

Speaking of extending their hand to me, I've recently started talking to this older gentleman--for close to a month now--and he is smitten with me already.  (Oh that SummerBoy Antonio or whatever his name was ended up being the craziest person I've ever fucked/dated/talked to ever.  I mean I'm sure he was like a stage 10 bipolar asshole.  One day he called me 28 times in a row and texted me over twenty hateful texts because he thought I was at another guy's house.)

Anyway back to this older gentleman.  He's in his thirties, don't you dare judge me, and I enjoy his company.  But once I "put it down" on him and found his "spot" he went from hardly picking up his phone to calling me multiple times a day.  This always happens to me.  The second I find a guy I think is sane and I think he can handle my sex, afterwards he becomes bat-shit bonkers.

I'm not bragging but (excuse my frank language) my head/fellatio skills are top-notch and once dudes get it once, they usually don't want it to be the last time.  There's another thing that bothers me about this dude now though.  He's in his thirties and he says in order for me to date him his family has to be okay with it.

I'm sorry I thought I was the younger one.  You're thirty-six and you need approval from your family to date someone?  Boy bye.  Ain't nobody got time for that, right Sweet Brown?

I left my watch over at his house the other night and he just left for a month-long trip to the Dominican Republic...so I guess I'll just have to find another watch and another soon-to-be man lol.

Anywho, I have been asking the universe for some things (i.e. a job, a man, selflessness, etc.) and it has been giving me some okay results so I guess it's time to let the universe know what I really want.  And what better way to do this than right here?  So I'm just gonna put it out there via letter...

Dear Universe,

I would like to thank you for all that you have given me.  You are magnificent and forever wonderful.  I come to you now to ask you for a few things.  

First and foremost I would like a great paying job that I love, preferably in the publishing and/or entertainment industry, that I can turn into a long-lasting career.  I want this job to take me places that I can't even fathom.  I am ready to put in the hard work and dedication needed to make a name for myself.  

Second, I would like to move out of my family's home before this year is complete.  It's been a fantastic and cushion-like twenty-four years but it's time to move out.  Also, I would like a dependable roommate who won't ditch me last minute when it comes to rent or if we have plans (and they decide to go with another friend to a Nets game).

Third, I would like a gentleman lover between the age of 21 and 32.  He has to be funny, intelligent, compassionate, a little sassy, fun to be around, attractive, and he has to have some kind of a passion.  I love a man with passion, universe. (Don't get me started with that.) I want him to be able to make his own decisions and I am willing to make time for him and love him, only if he is willing to do the same.  I want a man who is equally fun being around just eating Doritos and watching Netflix as he is going out for a night of drinks and dancing.  Oh and he has to love cuddling and must be divine in bed.  Okay, maybe not divine but he has to be able to make me desire him.

Fourth, I would like a better batch of friends.  I want friends that don't just say "let's hang out."  I want friends that actually call me to ask how I am and are just fine with coming over and talking.  Why must we go out and get drunk to enjoy ourselves? I want some new ride-or-die buddies.  I only have about four friends that I consider soulmates now, due to some unfortunate circumstances, but that's life.

Let's make this happen, universe.  

I thank you. 

I love you. 

I need you. 

I ask of you to believe in you, in order to receive from you.

Amen.

Well, I think it's time for a new word of the week.

This WORD OF THE WEEK is: ASTRACTED (pronounced uh-strack-ted)

Astracted: When someone so beautiful comes into view that you become distracted by your attraction toward them.

Example: "Girl, I'm so sorry. I didn't hear a word you said. Jeremy just came into the room and I got so astracted."

Since I gave you a word of the week it's only fair that I leave you with some Words of Wisdom.  

"Never be afraid to try something new.  Professionals once were amateurs....but remember, amateurs built the arc.  Professionals built the Titanic.  Go build your arc and sail through your dreams."

Okay duckies, I promise that since I have so much time on my hands that I will post as much as I can.  Oh and I'll make sure to keep you updated with my writing escapades with the Nomadic Sojourns Journal.

I love you for reading.

-Gabriel Anderson