How are you? I hope all is well because life is meant to be beautiful. I am so restless at work. I don't even feel like blogging right now. But you know what duckies?! I have to. I have to run from my inner-demons...
and make this day a productive one.
Remember how I spoke about my Mom and I butting heads recently? I've realized that I was too rash with my judgment. My mother is being indirectly sassy--I may have said this before--because she doesn't know what to do what herself after Gabriella and I leave the house. She came up to me one day and asked "What am I gonna do when you guys leave?" She laughed after saying this but her eyes weren't joking: they had a weight so heavy that if she wanted to cry she wouldn't have had the strength to do so. It's hard to let go of something (more importantly, someone) if they are vital parts of your life. When is a mother's job over? When is the official time to let go of your precious duckies? I don't think she'll ever know...and that's not a bad thing, for Gabriella and I at least. I love you Mommy. I'll always be your little duckie.
Last night my Mom pulled out some ancient photo albums. They were of Gabriella and I when we were babies. I must admit, I was adorable. I'm not saying that because I was that baby years ago. I'm saying it because it's the truth lol.
Love this picture of Gabriella and I. I think she was a few months in this pic.
Look how adorable sassy I was at my birthday party. LOL, I don't know what's going on in this picture but I think I'm sassing someone...maybe the lady with her bare hand on my cake.
Speaking of parties, Graham invited me to come with him to a 90's party this upcoming weekend. Duckies...all I remember about the 90's is the Power Rangers.
I just did some research and the 90's look was so...cluttered and busy: clashing prints were okay, baggy jeans were in, polyester was on the prowl.
I'm not gonna lie, I'm excited for this party, although I have no idea what to wear as of yet. Graham suggested I hit up Salvation Army. Sounds like a good idea but I want my outfit to be crazy chic, not hand-me-down chic.
Maybe something along the lines of this outfit.
I guess I'll have to look at childhood photos and try to mimic the look as best I can.
In other news, Graham posted a link on my FaceBook wall of this artist named Jonte. I've known about Jonte for years now and I'm glad he made a music video for his song "Bitch You Betta." Jonte is a flamboyant performer and his outfits and choreography are insanely urban couture.
I've seen him perform live at Webster Hall during Pride Weekend, some years back and I'll never forget his performance. He's a phenomenal entertainer and I wish I could be as bold as he is talented. He is very flashy and I love it! (I'm sure you'll be seeing more of this five-star diva pretty soon.)
Click here to watch his music video "Bitch You Betta."
I spoke to Nick last night again and the conversation was the polar opposite of the night before last. We actually conversed without me having to drag life from his end of the phone. Our relationship is so weird though. I hate him and I love him, equally.
And as much as I hate him, I love his company and honestly...I can't picture life without him in it. I've tried pushing him away but that doesn't seem to work. He wants me to come to see his apartment in New Haven a.k.a. an excuse for us to be alone, unsupervised and at the mercy of our own control. (I'm totally cool with that lol) I told him I don't wanna go over there but I really want to. He is the only person that has this effect on me. With other boys, I can easily dismiss them and not care if we ever see each other again. With Nick, I am a ball of giggly, frustrated uselessness. I hove him so much lol. Maybe one day he's get over his sexuality issues and maybe one day I'll make up my mind on whether or not I wanna be with him for the rest of my life.
On the topic of Nick, the other night he asked me why do I want to be a celebrity so much? I told him I don't want to be because I already am.
I love life and though I love the glamorous life I don't want my privacy invaded non-stop. Yes, I bare my soul for you duckies on here but I need a break too sometimes: hence me being negligent with posts at times. I can feel fame surging through my body. I love attention and I wouldn't mind the paparazzi. I'd mind the rumors though. Rumors are only fun if you start them.
I'd only want to be a celebrity--scratch that, celebrities are only famous for a period of time--I'd only want to be a star if it were for good things. I wanna be known for helping people, having a lavish lifestyle and inspiring others to live their lives to the fullest. I wouldn't mind being a famous writer too but I would love being in the limelight for being selfless too.
Okay, enough rambling, time for some Words of Wisdom.
"Once you give something attention, it becomes a living thing. Depending on how much attention you give it, it may have an effect on your life. However, since you created this attention it is up to you--no one else--to deal with it. Be cautious as to what you devote yourself to."
Okay duckies, it's time for me to get some lunch and get some more work done.
I wish you the best of happiness. I love you. Stay true and tuned.
Live, love & Lady Gaga,