Monday, March 11, 2013

Moving On

Amigos y patos! (Hello friends and duckies!)
I don't know why I keep greeting people in Spanish lately.  Maybe it's because I'm just trying to attract more Hispanic Adonises in my life.
(This dude could tie me to his bed for three days and not feed me if he'd marry me afterwards LOL.)

Anyway, I have some amazing news my lovely duckies: I GOT THE JOB!!!  I will be a Bridal Registry Consultant at Bed Bath & Beyond in April!
(Actually, orientation begins for me on March 18th--for two weeks--so I won't actually be working really until April...I think.)
But I got the job duckies! I'm so proud of myself.  I cannot wait to start.  This is going to sound like the gayest thing--but what's gayer than being a bridal registry consultant, right? LOL. 
I think that weddings and love are so magical.  I've only been to ONE wedding in my adult life and it was my father's.  He was finally getting married to his wife in 2010 and I thought people that cried at weddings were fools.  But somehow I became one of those "fools."  
At first I thought it was the fact that it was a beautiful wedding: it was held at the Riu Resort in Montego Bay, Jamaica.  Not only was it on the resort, it was on one of the most fucking beautiful beaches I've ever seen and we legit sat on chairs, in the sand.  However, I realized it wasn't all the aesthetics of the wedding that made it beautiful.  This was one of those moments were I actually saw my father chocked up and I saw that he really loved his wife.  They were both crying, my father's tears merged with his sweat so no one really knew but my sister and I, and it touched me.  Behind my big black Diesel sunglasses my eyes were pouring my emotions onto my shirt.  It was so beautiful.  With this job I won't be directly involved in the wedding planning aspect of their lives but to be a part of a couple's love and new life together is a gift in itself.

 In other news, my current room is currently under construction...I literally mean this because like a sixth of my carpet has been ripped up and cut out for sub-floor repairs.  I'm supposed to be remodeling my room: new flooring, new color schemes, different furniture...the works.  However, now that I'm telling everyone--my family--that I'm making an effort to move out by my 25th birthday (August 19th, if you were wondering) my mom is like "Well, since you're moving out in close to five months maybe we shouldn't do it."
I've been wanting my room remodeled for the longest.  Plus, I'm pretty envious of my mother's and sister's rooms, which were remodeled within the past few months.  And might I add, I helped with the physical labor.
(My sister's new and beautifully adorned room.)
(My mother's superior and decorative room.)
(My hot-ass mess of a room.)
Okay, I'm totally joking.  That last picture isn't my room...but it needs some serious work.  Granted I understand why my mother saying what's the point in remodeling my room at the moment if I intend on flying the coup in August.  But what if I don't reach my goal because I realize that my job isn't enough to live on my own yet and I need until January to move out?  It would be awesome to move out on my 25th birthday, that would be the best present ever, but if it doesn't happen I won't be disappointed.  I know it will happen eventually.  Plus, I don't think I want a roommate if I move out.  I like my own space and sometimes I like being alone.

Oh my God, Words of Wisdom coming at ya early!
"A goal is merely an idea that one sets to attain.  If a time limit is put on a goal this puts more pressure on the ability to succeed.  Don't be dismayed if your goal isn't accomplished when you thought it would be reached.  The only thing you should give up on is giving up."

Speaking of a goal, I know you guys may have read that I'm open to start a new relationship.  Well do you guys remember Nick?  Nick was supposedly the "love of my life."  He's a nice guy.  The sex between us is electrifying.  I enjoy his company, for the most part.  And he went to Yale for grad school.  Anyway, I still talk to Nick to this very day, even though we haven't been together in years.  But I know I shouldn't talk to him anymore.  I need to move on so I can embrace the future.  He moved down south and plays with my emotions so eloquently, to the point where I don't know they're being manipulated.
But do you know why I put up with it?  Nick was the first boyfriend that loved me for me.  He loved my dramatic acts: sometimes I'd get mad at him and get out of his car, while he was driving.
But what really made me fall for him was that he made me feel beautiful when I was naked.  
He would make me strip and he would just stare at me and smile, telling me how beautiful I was.  He still tells me this to this day...and I know he's not lying.  I am beautiful!
I've always been self-conscious about my weight & body image and to have someone finally accept me for me, and I mean all of me, is the greatest thing you can get.  It's worth more than all the diamonds in the world.

However, I can't be with Nick for a few reasons.
1) I know for a fact that he'd never marry a man.  His family is super religious and I'm pretty sure they don't even know that he has sexual relations with men.
2) He lives down south.  Come on! I'm not a Skype/long-distance kind of guy.
3) He hasn't come to terms with his sexuality, in terms of accepting that he's gay.  He says he's bisexual but I know for a fact that he hasn't been with a woman in eons...but what do I know.

I can't be with someone who can't be with me in front of everyone.  I'm not asking to hold hands everywhere or for you to kiss me in front of your friends.  I just want to know that I'm not your dirty little secret.  I don't want part-time love.  The sad part is I'll always love him...but I love me more and I deserve better.

Speaking of deserving better, I finally watched "The Secret: The Movie."  I've read the book a couple times but the film is so much more effective.  It inspired me to think positive and get out of my rut.  I wrote a mantra that I recite at least once a day to keep me on track and to express my gratitude to the universe.  Here is it below:

I AM GRATEFUL FOR EVERYTHING THE UNIVERSE HAS BESTOWED UPON ME.  I AM THANKFUL FOR MY LOVING FAMILY.  I AM THANKFUL FOR MY EDUCATION.  I AM THANKFUL FOR MY HEALTH.  I AM THANKFUL FOR MY BEAUTY.  I AM THANKFUL FOR MY PRIVILEDGED LIFE.  I AM FOREVER GRATEFUL FOR BEING ABLE TO WAKE UP EVERYDAY AND HAVE A CHOICE IN WHAT I CAN DO.
THANK YOU UNIVERSE.
I AM HAPPY TO BE HAPPY. I LOVE THAT I AM LOVED. I AM GREATFUL THAT I AM A GREAT PERSON. I HOPE THAT OTHERS CAN EXPERINCE THE JOY I HAVE EXPERIENCED UP UNTIL THIS MOMENT AND THE JOY I WILL EXPERINCE.
THANK YOU UNIVERSE.
I CAN DO ANYTHING. I AM ORIGINAL. I AM AN AMAZING WRITER. I WILL BE RECOGNIZED BY THE WORLD BY MY POSITIVE LIFE AND I WILL CHANGE MINDS FOR THE BETTER. I WILL CHANGE MY LIFE TODAY AND MAKE IT BETTER THAN YESTERDAY. I AM AS THANKFUL FOR YESTERDAY AS I AM FOR TODAY AND I AM THANKFUL FOR WHAT TOMORROW WILL BRING. MY LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL. MY LIFE IS FULL OF HAPPINESS. I WILL DO WHAT IT TAKES TO BE HAPPY EVERYDAY. I WILL CREATE HAPPINESS AND EXPRESS MY GRATITUDE EVERYDAY.
THANK YOU UNIVERSE.
I COME TO YOU TODAY TO ASK YOU FOR NEW THINGS. I ASK FOR THE ABILITY TO MOVE OUT OF MY FAMILY’S HOME BY MY 25TH BIRTHDAY. I ASK FOR A RELIABLE ROOMATE. I ASK FOR A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP WITH A MALE SOULMATE THAT MAKES ME AS HAPPY AS I MAKE MYSELF. I ASK FOR A SUCCESSFUL WRITING CAREER. I ASK FOR AN A-LIST ACTING CAREER. I ASK FOR THE OPPORTUNITY TO RECORD AN ALBUM…AND FOR IT TO SELL MORE COPIES THAN I EXPECT.
THANK YOU UNIVERSE.
THANK YOU UNIVERSE.
THANK YOU UNIVERSE.


Oh! The weirdest thing happened to me this weekend.  This is the second time this has happened to me late at night, in this one store.  I was ordering a sandwich at like 2AM because I was a little tipsy and hungry and this man approaches me.  I was jamming to some tunes on my iPhone and I was wearing my Ray-Bans, as usual, but this didn't stop him from coming up to talk to me.  He was an older gentleman: African-American, early 40s, nice-looking, and had a "street" demeanor.

I see his mouth moving and he's looking directly at me, so I pause my music.
"I'm sorry, what did you say?"
"How's your night going, man?"
"It's good."
"Alright, good to hear. Enjoy it," he says, as he tries to give me one of those complicated handshakes.
"Oh so this is what we're doing tonight?" I say jokingly, because I have no idea what kind of handshake he is trying to do.  I'm always clueless when it comes to those "street" handshakes.  (Please don't take my "Black card" away.)
"I know you're feeling a little fruity tonight," he says, smiling and giving me "the look." (You know, the "come hither look.")
"Excuse me?"
"You're a human being.  I don't judge.  Whatever you prefer is what you prefer.  Just do it right.  You understand?"

I was completely thrown off-guard.  This guy just called me out on being gay.  Was he trying to "out" me in front of everyone with malicious intent?

To disregard his comment I went up to the store counter and asked if my sandwich was ready and it was, thank God...but this didn't stop the guy.

"How are you getting home?" he asks.
And that's when I knew he was trying to "holla" at me.
"Oh, I'm walking home. I'll be fine," I respond.
"Is anyone coming to get you.  It's not safe this time of night."
"Trust me. I'm only a few blocks away," I say, smiling.
"Okay. Well be safe.  And get out of here," he says laughing.

That wasn't the first time someone tried to pick me up at the store by my train station late at night.  The other time this other guy--who was hideous--straight-up asked me if I had a boyfriend.  I was mortified and I ran to the car.  My mom was in the driver's seat and when she saw me rush into the car and saw this guy coming out the store behind me, still trying to talk to me, she was like:

"Who is that guy?"
"Just drive," I said.
"What?"
"Please," I looked at her. "Just drive, now."
She started laughing and asked, "That guy hit on you in there, didn't he?"
"Yup. And I definitely wasn't going home with him," I said.
"Well," she pauses, "when you got it, you got it."

It took me awhile to realize that she was referring to my good looks.  I blushed nearly the entire ride home.

Well it only seems right that I give you a new WORD OF THE WEEK.
This WORD OF THE WEEK is prettyful.
Prettyful (pronounced prit-tee-full): the state of being so pretty and beautiful that one cannot decide which to call you; utterly desirable.
Example: "Beyonce is the Queen of the world.  She runs it and she's remarkably prettyful.
(I didn't want to write on the picture.  It would desecrate the prettyfulness of the picture.)

I think it's about time for me to get out of this chair because my ass hurts--not from what you think you dirty little duckies--and I want you all to enjoy the rest of your Monday, and of course your week.

OH AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALICIA!!!!

Here's a little snippet of me drunk-singing in the train station this past weekend. Enjoy.

video

See you next Monday!

I love you for reading.

-Gabriel Anderson