Monday, July 27, 2009

The Sass Must Go On!

Good afternoon duckies! It has been too long--two weeks to be exact--since I blogged. I missed you all so terribly.

I've been so busy with my internship at HarperCollins Publishers. I feel like such an oldie sometimes. Every day, after work, I come home and I end up falling asleep on my couch.

I haven't really had a break all summer. I started working with Red Caps in late May (until June 11th). Then my internship with Harper started June 16th and my last day is August 13th. Then on August 23rd I have to truck it back to Hartford for my Senior year. So I basically have/had 2 weeks to myself this summer lol.

But I can't complain, I asked for this lifestyle. (I see why my fellow celebrity-brethren turn to drugs lol) Did I really just say that? But I know it will all pay off in the end. This is only the beginning of my beautiful life.

A lot has happened over the past three weeks.

The weekend of July 24th my dear duckies Kelly, Shelby, Rudis, Shaun and Graham went to a hookah bar called Phours, down on 6th Street and Avenue B.

Graham only stayed for about 20 minutes (but I've seen him all summer). It was such a rewarding experience to see my fellow college-educated duckies.

Kelly: We are indeed living the dream and remember don't focus on what we don't have. Treasure everything we do and more will come.
Rudis: It's always a pleasure my friend. I need to see you more often. You make my life!
Shelby: Devoted duckie, I love you. I hope you're having a fabulous day at the zoo. (Hello zookeepers! Thank you for keeping up with my posts.)
Shaun: You better slip away to celebrate my birthday on August 21st. I had a blast shooting the $hit with you at Starbucks and our little walk to the train.

Oooh! Speaking of birthdays, the big day is 16 days away; I'll finally be 21!

I've finally decided how the night will go about. On my actual birthday--August 19th--I just wanna stay in with my family & friends and have some wine and pizza. (Or I might go to a bar, who knows?)
On August 21st, I'm having an A-List dinner with nine beautiful duckies at my favorite restaurant, Carmines.

Then everyone else--this includes you--can join us at this beautiful lounge called APT. It's location is 419 w13th Street.
(Actually a picture of part of the lounge.)
For my 21st I don't wanna be sloppy and belligerent. (Gaga knows I've had too many a night like those.) I want it to be classy: drinks in hand, bellies full, hearts full of laughter, great friends at bay and eyes for gorgeous SummerBoys.

Speaking of sloppy drunk, the week before I saw my precious duckies at the Phours Hookah spot, I hung out with my favorite chicas: Mel, Alice, Lidia and Reba...and others.

They weren't sloppy drunk though. I was. It was horrible.
(Don't judge me. I'm going to give you all the not-so-glamorous details of the night.)

Before I left my house, I made a strong concoction of whatever was at the bar of my house, mixed with Apple & Passionfruit juice. The drink was stupendously good...and incredibly strong. It had Pyrat rum, Alcohol 95 (which is overproof, meaning it's over the alcohol proofing system, in other words it's like drinking rubbing alcohol), and some other poisonous additions.
So when I got to Mel's sister's apartment, I began to guzzle my drink. I'm a titanium tank though. It takes a lot for me to get sick. Anywho, I finished my drink before we left but I was absolutely fine. Then I took a shot of Captain Morgan (aow) then I made a drink with Smirnoff and orange juice. Duckies, I was still fine.

We took the train down to my hot spot (not giving away any bar names) and I had a Cornona Extra and I ordered a picture of Coors Light. I only drank 1.5 cups of Coors Light. Not to mention, Lidia and I had a very special heart-to-heart. (I almost cried at the bar lol.) Shortly after that, I smoked some natural leaves outside and decided I needed a Red Bull to pick me up.
I bought a huge Red Bull. (This is when things started getting heavy.)

Reba, Alice and I were talking outside drinking our Red Bulls and all the alcohol just hit me in the face...and a little but poured out of my mouth.

Reba or Alice didn't see me throw-up a little bit (this is going to be news to them lol) because they were engaged in conversing about--the topic leaves me--and I was pretty sneaky with my delivery lol.

Afterwards, we split up in two cabs (because there were a total of 9 of us) to head down to see our friend Alyssa on 72nd Street and Broadway, where her going-away celebration was in the city. (By the way, congratulations on your consultant job Alyssa. I hope you have fun at training baby girl!)

I didn't make it to her party though.
Once we got in the cab it didn't take long for me to throw up some more with all the movement and smells. I threw up at least six times out of the cab window (some of it trickled down the inside of the car door). It got to the point where I didn't have anything else to throw up, so it looked like I was having a seizure. I left my precious duckies on 72nd Street, taking the cab we took to get downtown, to go home. It wasn't fun at all.

Looking back at it now, it was hilarious. I should have known my limit but I kept pushing. (My motto is: Go hard or go home. I'm not going home.) I've never been that fcuked up in my life. Hence, my laid-back attitude, in regards to drinking on my birthday.

In regards to attitude, I honestly cannot stand my mother right now. I love this woman but she is unbearable at the present time. She is incredibly sassy (without reason) and it's gotten to the point where I have to physically and mentally restrain myself because she can be so nasty at times. When I bring it to her attention she blames it on her "time of the month" but it seems like the "time of the month" mood swings are becoming "times of every day."

She and my stepdad have been making these little jokes about cutting my cell phone off when I turn 21 and tell me I need to get a paying job.

Mind you, after I landed my internship with HarperCollins my mother said "Don't worry about getting a job. You have an internship to handle."

She is so backwards.
Let me give you an example of the sass I get from her nowadays.

Last night, I left a steak out to thaw in the kitchen so I could cook it before TRUE BLOOD came on. It was evident that I was going to make a steak because she saw me take it out of the freezer. Anywho, right when I turn on the George Forman grill, here she comes, into the kitchen with as towel, saying "I was about to wash my hair." If I hadn't gone into the kitchen, I'm sure she wouldn't have step foot into it. This got me so upset.
The conversation went along these lines:

Me: (controlling my anger, talking through gritted teeth) You always do this.
Mom: (sassy face) I can do whatever I want.
Me: (sassing her right back) Well, that's good for you.
Mom: You better stop sassing me.
Me: You sassed me first, so why can't I retaliate? (walking away, into my room.)

She recently turned 40 and Graham is on her team saying "maybe she's going through menopause." I just think she's being a little too sassy.

In regards to her telling me to get a paying job, sorry that I'm a great student and I landed a unique internship with HarperCollins Publishers. Sorry that I'm the only intern--out of the hundreds--that has his own office. Sorry that I'm gonna make more money that you in the future. Sorry that I'm gonna quarantine you in a nursing home when I become famous (well, more famous).
I'm sorry duckies. I needed to let that out. I was holding that in for the longest. It just doesn't seem fair to me because I'm a good kid. I don't deserved to be sassed by my Mom for no apparent reason. In most cases, it's not constructive or joking criticism; it's deconstructive and sassy.

Okay, it's definitely time for some "Words of Wisdom."

"When confronted with relentless negativity, do not feed into it. Try your best to compose yourself. Feeding into the negativity only worsens the situation. If possible, take a step back to evaluate the situation and try to come to a compromise. If this doesn't work just walk away and continue to be positively fabulous."

I should take heed to the words I just said so I will confront my mother about our prior interactions. I don't know how I'll do it...maybe I'll write her a letter when I'm back at school. Hmmm.

Oh geez! We are way overdue for a "Word of the Week."
The new word of the week is...
Stray: one confused of one's sexuality; one claiming to be "straight" but indulges in homosexual activity.
Person 1: "Gabriel, I don't know about Jeffrey. He seems a bit weird and uncomfortable when he's around gay and feminine men."
Person 2: "I know, right? He's probably stray. I get that vibe from him.

Okay duckies, it's time for me to go do some actual work today. I'm sitting at my supervisor's desk this week, on the 11th floor, in the Corporate Communications Department.
I update Twitter like crazy. Follow me!
Like Rockstar (follow him on Twitter too!) I think Twitter is slowly killing my blog. But I shall rise duckies!

(Look at this hot picture of me and Nivea. We had a glamorous photoshoot on Elle Fox's courtyard. Click here to see it all!)

Oh watch this video: it's about Derek from The Real World Cancun and another roomate. Hilarious!

I wish you the best of happiness duckies. I love you. Stay true, tuned, and glamorous!

Live, love, & Lady Gaga,
Gabriel Anderson