Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Terminally Unemployed

Well hello there duckies.  I know it's been...forever (well 6 months, but who's counting?!) since I last blogged.   And guess what?  You know I have tons of sass to give you. I missed you all so dearly, but not as much as I missed my sanity.  Sadly in August of 2011 I was yet again admitted to the hospital because of another bipolar episode.
No I wasn't in a straight jacket (or chains, LOL) during anytime of my stay and I actually turned myself in this time.  I was in the hospital for a little over a month. I think the exact dates were August 5th to September 15th...or something like that.  I do know my release date is accurate.  Anyway this time around was different because I actually knew where I was and why I was there.  My previous hospitalization was such a disaster because the care there was sub-par and I had to grasp the fact that I was actually having a mental breakdown and couldn't go home until the doctors thought I wasn't a hazard to society.
I don't know if I mentioned this before but to clear the air I do think I was possessed the first time I had my mental breakdown...but this time around, I felt invincible.  Like the invincible feeling you get when you're drunk and every song that comes on is your jam.  I just felt like nothing could stop me and I didn't give a shitake mushroom about what others thought about my actions.  I would go to the gym and flirt with the hot staff at the front desk.  I would dance in front of everyone there too...AND EVEN IN THE STREETS.
It even got to a point where I walked around my neighborhood with a stuffed animal snake around my neck and used it as a dancing prop.  I seriously felt as sexy as Britney Spears when she performed at the 2001 VMAs with that yellow boa constrictor...but I know I looked crazy Britney.
Anyway, my stay in the hospital taught me a lot.  The main lesson is I can't run from what I am and it's only when I accept everything about myself that I can move on with my life, to live the dream.  (And that I need to take my meds too, LOL!)

So for the past six months I've been trying to cope with being bipolar and what the rest of my life would be like with it. I have a psychiatrist and a therapist and things seem to being going well.  I'm also on the hunt for a job.  I will not work as a waiter or anything pertaining to retail, no offense to those working in either industry.  I'm sorry I just can't do it.
I would be the most horrible waiter because I swear profusely and I do not have balance when it comes to juggling plates.  Retail is just a nightmare.  I worked for the NBA store last year, from December to February and I would pray before every day of work to get fired.  
Luckily, the store was shutting down in February and I didn't have to deal with that hellhole anymore.  But yeah, I'm still on the hunt for employment.  I've received a few bites here and there but nothing solid.  I have an appointment to meet a very promising temp agency that specializes in administrative positions, which is straight-up my alley.  Put me at a desk with a computer for eight hours a day and you've got me.  I seriously love administrative and clerical work!  (Did I ever mention that I have a secret obsession with filing? Like it's kind of sad. If something needs to be filed, I'm all over it.)
Speaking of all over it, since I haven't been employed I've been trying to be all over boys.  I actually liked a few of them.  I even dated one of them...but that ended because the bastard didn't pay me any attention after we became "sexually exclusive."  And trust me, I am a sex god.  I am an incubus.  But relationships of any kind don't last just because of sex. 
Here are some of the reasons why my past relationships haven't worked for me.

Reason 1: I attract bisexual men.
I seriously don't know why but bisexual men always find their way into my life.  Maybe it's my perky and lovely manboobs.  Maybe it's my pretty, glowing face.  I just don't know!  But men who like girls and guys tend to be a dominant fixture in my life.  So you know what?  If you're bi, good-bye.  If you like girls, do a swirl.  If you like vagina, I'm not gonna sign ya.  If you like...okay, you guys get the point.

Reason 2: I fall for guys so fast and hard.
There's something so passionate and possessive about me when I become interested in someone.  Even if I've only been talking to them for days, hours, or seconds; if I feel a connection with you...I immediately see a future with them.  It's not like "oh-yaaay-he's-gonna-be-my-husband" kind of thing, (only for Vin Diesel...and if you're reading this pleeeeeease contact me Vincent. Thanks.)  It's the "I-can-actually-see-myself-waking-up-next-to-him-in-the-morning-and-actually-not-try-to-slip-out-the-door-but-actually-smile-and-kiss-him-before-I-make-him-breakfast" kind of feeling.
I'm actually feeling that way about another boy but he doesn't live in New York...but I think it's too early for me to like him.  He seems like a pretty cool dude.  He's fucking adorable, he has THE sexiest voice, and our sense of humor seem identical.  The catch is he lives thousands of miles away and I've only been talking to him since SATURDAY! Eeeeek!

(and lastly) Reason 3: I get bored easily with boys.
I am like a little puppy.
I need attention.  Not too much, but if I text you I expect you to text me back; not immediately but at least before the day is over.  I take getting to know guys very seriously and if it seems like I'm not getting enough attention, I get bored.  I'm not the average dude.  You gotta keep up with me brotha-friend.  I'm the playful little puppy that you adopted and now it's time to give me some time and some love.

In other events, I really want to get a puppy. If I had a job I'd have one by now. My family is willing to get me the puppy but they're not willing to buy him food and stuff, which is reasonable since I'm pretty much the puppy of the house. I poop everywhere, I eat everything, I take naps, I'm loud, and I bite people. LOL

OMG! Have you guys ever heard about the cutest dog in the world? His name is Boo.  He is this Pomeranian that has this extreme haircut (he's basically shaved all the way down, to make him look all fuzzy) and he looks like a little teddy bear!  Look at him!
I want a dog just as cute as him...but that won't happen until my own money starts flowing in.  But when I do get a dog my future boyfriend better watch out because he will be the love of my life.  He will be my baby and I'm going to spoil him and make him the most fabulous, and the sassiest dog ever.  (I was thinking of naming him Bolton, Bolt for short.)

In other news, one of my best friends is currently crashing at my house.  He's been here since late November and it's been an experience...and that's all I'm going to share right now lol.  (I just can't wait 'til my house is my house again, no offense.)

My little sister is in her second semester of college now.  Like WTF?!  Didn't you just have your sweet 16? Oh, that's right you're only 17.  She won't be able to legally drink until grad school but until then GET CRAZY!

Being unemployed sucks because I can't go out and party with my friends as much and Gabriel is nothing without his sexy & sassy friends.  My best friend Elle Fox had a birthday party this past Friday and I couldn't make it because I didn't even have money for a MetroCard.  Do you know how broke that is? That's like "I-should-be-on-the-streets-asking-for-change" broke.
Elle, I've been trying to reach you and I really hope you're not mad at me for not being able to make it.  You know how tight things are with my funds are right now.  I can't even buy flowers right now.  I love you with all my heart and I really hope my missing your party hasn't put a damper on our friendship because I cannot see my life without you.
The same goes out to my soulmate Nora, my fabulous friends Mallory, Lauren, and Laurene.  You sexy ladies were in town and I was too broke to joke (aka party).  When things swing in my favor I will most definitely make it up.
But I have a feeling 2012 has a lot in store for me.  I know, I know it's so cliche to say something like that about a new year...but I sincerely feel like my close to 24 years on this planet is going to have a significant impact on myself and those around me.

Okay, enough of my babbling. Here are some Words of Wisdom. (You may have seen this on my FaceBook page if you've been stalking me. It's okay. I stalk you too.)

"Sometimes you think the world is full of sunshine & rainbows, but then you see the gray clouds looming over you.  But you know what you gotta do?  Get your ass some rainboots, a sassy umbrella, and some Ray-Bans because the only person holding you back in yourself.  Dance in the fucking rain, baby-angel!"

If you guys haven't purchased Rihanna's album "Talk That Talk" either go shoot yourself in the foot or get it now.
It's insanely amazing!

Okay duckies, I think that's enough for today.  I will try my best to keep this updated as much as possible. If you aren't following me already, follow my everyday adventures on Twitter: @sassme.  I love you for reading.

Stay classy. Stay sassy. Stay true.
-Gabriel Anderson