Mr. Sassy Pants

Duckies, I come to you today to declare the increase in my overall sassiness.  I put it on my Vision Board--to become sassier--and I already see it manifesting inside of me.  It's not an evil streak that thrives off of the pain and scrutiny of others, but more of a "I'm-not-gonna-put-up-with-your-bullshit-anymore" kind of philosophy.

This came about because of some stupid boy. (Not Antonio for Heaven's sake.  We'll talk about him later.)  This boy, we'll call him Rob.  Rob has been through so much in his life, I'm talking about heavy shit that I'm not about to get into because I'm not one for spilling dirty laundry LOL, and he's always crying about it.  I mean legit crying.  I haven't known him that long (maybe a couple weeks) and he thinks we should be a couple.  Mind you, I've never given this boy the impression that I like him: never had sex, never said anything about anything relationship-related.  I felt like I was doing the world a favor by sticking around because everyone "so he says," he leaves him eventually.

I'm sorry but if I'm not your best friend I am not gonna stick around just to hear you complain about your life nonstop, especially since I recently have been cleared by my therapist...meaning I don't have to see her anymore because life is going well for me.

Anywho, so I invite this sap Rob over yesterday and he's all about trying to have sex with me.  I turned him down and he kept trying so I kicked him out.  He calls me today and had the nerve to ask me if he dropped his weekly-unlimited MetroCard somewhere in my house.  I told him "No."  But the answer was really yes.  And I will be going around town all week on the expense of his pathetic ass.

I wanted to share this with you lovely duckies because I have been so physically and mentally drained for my own problems that listening to others' problems really just weighs me down.  I will always be there for any of my real friends because I know they would be there for me, but if you're some pushy guy who cries over everything...please fcuk off.  Thank you.

Sorry for that colorful introduction to this post.  I had to let that out.

Duckies, this past weekend was superb.  As you know Saturday was our hookah night and it was so much fun.  We smoked this Apple Mint flavored tobacco in the hookah and it was delicious.  But the thing about hookah I find most time-consuming is the process of refilling the tobacco and lighting the coal.  I didn't really trust anyone else to do it because when they did they either packed the tobacco too tight or something would fall on the table.  So for the majority of the night I felt like I was a favored servant to Princess Jasmine and her company.

My mother made this Mango Lemonade Tequila punch, with TWO full bottles of this exotic Tequila!  The crazy thing was none of us tasted the alcohol.  Of course not until it was nearly 1AM and we were all laughing, sweating, and pretty much slurring through the rest of the night.  The cuisine of the night included lamb kabobs (juicy lamb on a skewer), rosemary baked chicken, white rice with some Mediterranean dipping sauce drizzled on it, and grilled asparagus.  It was simply marvelous.

Oh!  Remember the friend I was talking about who was all about PDA when I came around she and her boyfriend?  Well I invited her over for hookah night and she and I had a talk.  I let her know exactly how I felt and she kind of knew I was feeling this way because she felt something different about my energy.  I have to give it to her though.  She has been making efforts to see me and juggle both me and her boyfriend.  I just have to let her ride this relationship out and just remember that our love will never die.

Anywho, at about 1:30AM I was nearly "hookah-ed" out so my friend and I wanted to smoke some good stuff, if ya know what I mean.

I thought we were going to smoke at her house..but then she takes me to this shabby brownstone, where I was sure that I was going to take some critters back home with me if I wasn't careful.

(Chica, if you're reading this don't ever take me back there.  No buneo.)

So I'm sitting on the brownstone steps outside and before we can even roll up my friend comes out of the building in a ruckus, saying that some girl is trying to blame her for calling drunk.  We'll call the drunk/blaming girl Trashina: she was trashy.  Immediately after my friend comes out Trashina comes out screaming:

"Oh no.  I don't even know this girl and she's saying I'm drunk. Nah, forreal yo.  I was talking to my mans."

(Yes, I was in the true ghetto that night.)

My friend was the bigger person in the situation because she walked away from the girl even when Trashina was still talking shit.  But no one saw that but me.  I had my friend's back telling her she was being the bigger person but everyone else was trying to calm my friend down and not Trashina which I thought was extremely unfair, rude even.

But after about an hour or so the situation was diffused and all was well.  The sad thing about this little altercation was my friend's boyfriend was there...and he didn't have my friend's back. Hmmmm....but who did?

Moving along, Sunday was magnificent, if by magnificent you mean waking to a weak body and a pounding headache.

It wasn't until about 5PM that my brain was able to function properly.  (But then again I did get home around 7AM.)  After recovering from the abyss we call "The Hungover Games" someone texted me and asked if I wanted to come over.  No one other than the sexy Antonio!

Two times in the span of five days, sounds like someone likes what I can do.  Even though I did go over there just for sex I do enjoy being in his company.  And afterward he still invited me to come over again so I wouldn't have to "come over just to fuck."  Is Antonio coming around?  Are my seductive powers working and transforming him into a SummerBoy?  Who knows?  Only time and my blog will tell, LOL.

Today I didn't really do anything.  I spent some time with my father: nothing spectacular.  I smoked some hookah before I went to the gym, which has now become my playground once again.

I'm regaining my stamina after only three days back in the gym and I feel wonderful.  I was running around the gym doing so many things today.  I did the elliptical for 30 minutes, cycling/spin machine for about 8 minutes (resistance 10), butterfly curl 25 reps (2 sets), and leg press 25 reps (2 sets).  I'm gonna be so fit that my turds are gonna have abs.

I invited Elle over to hookah night as well and before everyone got there she and I played the Random Question game and I really want to share some things that I discovered about myself.  Also my friend Tracie made a 25 Random things note on FaceBook and it inspired me to do this.  So here's a list of 15 random things you may or may not know about me.

1) I look at everyone's crotch first, before their face. (Including friends and family)

2) My favorite article of clothing is underwear.

3) I'm lactose intolerant and I don't give a shit. I love dairy.

4) I find myself attracted to everyone upon meeting them.

5) "Down With Love" is one of my favorite movies.

6) I've had several girlfriends in the past, but never had sex with any of them...or any girl at that.

7) I don't know how to ride a bike.

8) I don't know how to drive.

9) I know how to swim but it's as graceful as a house cat in water

10) My biggest fear is being stranded in open water.

11) I find myself laughing at things that no one else finds funny all the time.

12) I've never been in a relationship for more than six consecutive months.

13) If I don't have sex at least once a week I become a maniac; nymphomaniac.

14) I don't have any tattoos.

15) I sometimes buy CDs.

Enough about me I think this blog is way overdue for a new "Word of the Week."

Hunk: A person that becomes enraged and Hulk-esque when they are intoxicated.

Ex: "Oh my God, please stop giving Sheila shots because last week her inner Hunk came out and she scratched this random baby's face."

So many good shows are back on and I'm so happy.  "WORKAHOLICS" is back on.

It comes on Tuesdays at 10:30PM (EST) on Comedy Central.

Another Comedy Central show that I cannot get enough of is "Tosh.0"

"Tosh.0" comes on Tuesdays at 10PM (EST) on Comedy Central.

And it's that time of year where the sexy bloodsuckers and supernatural creatures are back...

Season 5 of "True Blood" premiered last night and I was floored. Shit is going down! Check it out on Sundays at 9PM (EST), on HBO.

Oh and I can't forget my guilty pleasure, Teen Wolf.

"Teen Wolf" comes on Mondays at 10PM (EST) on MTV...and speaking of "Teen Wolf" it's about to come on so let me get to some "Words of Wisdom."

"If something you thought to be safe starts giving you doubt about its initial and welcoming stability, run.  Do not push warning away because you want to hold onto the idea of something when the truth is literally biting you in the ass.  You deserve everything you wish for...but make sure your wish really came true."

Okay loves, it's time for me to go and get all sexy for my man Tyler Hoechlin, aka Derek, from "Teen Wolf."

I love you for reading.

Stay Sassy.

-Gabriel Anderson

The Summer of Sexy

Evening duckies.  I hope all is well on your end because I have just been feeling so fabulous recently.  This Vision Board is really doing some great things to my overall energy.  It hangs right above my guest chair in my room and every time I look at it, it makes me smile.  My Vision Board was such a success that my little sister declared her jealousy and went out and bought some poster board to create her own.

I did it first LOL...but I'm glad my goals and arts and crafts inspired her to map out her future as well.  Have I told you guys how much I love her?  She is so divine.  She's only 17 and she's going to be a Sophomore at University of New Haven this September.  (Well she'll be 18 by then, but you get my point.)  Love you Gabriella!

Anywho, last night my friend Mallory and I were talking about something that really hit home for me.  It's being the third wheel.  Before you even say anything I want you to know that I am all for finding love--I mean have you not read my blog?--or intense lust...but don't make it awkward for your friends.

Recently one of my great friends has been so smitten with her boyfriend that I feel like the ultimate third wheel.  It's one thing to have your boyfriend around but to just be all over him when I'm around...it's kind of gross.  It hurts me to say this but I feel like I've become the other man in her life.  Don't get me wrong they are an amazing couple but when you're the only person in the audience it gets mucho awkward.  Love you girl, but let's turn the PDA down from a 35 to a 7.  Thank you.  (I think we'll hang out more when this agonizing honeymoon stage is over.)

The thing is when I have a boyfriend (or person of interest), yes I'm like obsessed with him, but I make sure that he's more like a prized accessory than life support when we're around my friends.  I make an effort not to smother it everyone's faces with a "Hey, look at us. We like the tastes of each other's saliva and we don't care what you think or say about it," kind of attitude.

Aside from that life has been pretty dandy.  Today I woke up around 2pm...yes, I said 2pm (being unemployed has its perks too).  You know what they say, the early bird gets the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Anywho, after waking up in the afternoon my uncle calls me (he lives downstairs in our tricked-out basement) and asks me if I wanted to go to gym and pay off my membership.  Duckies, I don't think you know how much that means to me.  My gym membership had an outstanding balance of $179.93!  Mind you I only have to pay $20 a month for my membership so you can imagine how many payments I missed; eight monthly payments to be exact.  But technically it wasn't my fault.  During my most recent bipolar episode, back August 2011, I took out too much money from the bank and they froze my account.  I don't even think I have an account anymore with Bank of America.  Those dicks...

So we paid my balance and I began to work out like I thought I could last year.

Oh my loving Gaga and extra sharp cheddar cheese!!! 

I used to be a beast in the gym.  My warm-up would be the thirty minute walk to the gym from my house, followed by an hour on the elliptical (with an average speed of 9.0).  After that I would scan the gym for available machines, usually the leg press or butterfly curl.  And then I would go on the cycling/spin machine, with a resistance of 20 for about thirty minutes. After that I would probably call it a day, with so much energy and a heavy surge of endorphins.  

Well today nearly none of that happened.  I mounted the elliptical all cool and sassy.  I found my newly crafted "Slimmin' It" playlist on my iPod and began to workout.  After about 15 minutes on the elliptical I had a stomach cramp, my heart felt like it was about to explode, and I sweating like a house on the night of a tornado.

But I'm a fighter...so I decided to do extra twenty minutes on the elliptical before calling it quits.  Upon leaving the gym I felt so weak and everything was in slow-motion.  I was pretty sure I was about to pass out.  (Did I mention that I forgot to eat before I went to work out?)  To save myself from a heat stroke and face planting in the streets I bought myself an icee from one of those Hispanic vendors that always have like Rainbow, Coco (Coconut), Mango, and other flavors on the cart.  

They usually have only four flavors.  But sometimes they try to get fancy and put two separate flavors in one cooling compartment of their cart, giving them more variety over the rest.  Luckily the sugar gave me enough energy to drag my ass home, right into my bed.

When I got home I felt like I was dreaming, that's how weak I was.  I only did a thirty-five minute work out and an hour walk (if you count going to and leaving from the gym) and I felt like a living zombie. Oh no, I wasn't smoking bath salts. I won't be a part of that statistic.

After I regained my energy via shrimp and chicken dumplings, after a nap, I had to get on my hands and knees and scrub like Annie and Cinderella.

Tomorrow my family and I are having our first hookah night in the house.  And since we're having company over I had to slave away in the kitchen for hours: scrubbing floors, washing garbage cans and polishing them, cleaning out the microwave, scrubbing the refrigerator doors, cleaning the stove, scrubbing the counter tops, sweeping, moving furniture to get all the places my mother's hawk eyes will scout and eventually lead her to bark about, and tons of other things.  Gabriella cleaned the bathroom and the living room...she even shampooed the carpet in there.  Talk about dedication to chores.  But I don't blame her and myself for being so diligent in our cleaning because if we didn't do it our sweet mother would have transformed into this...

So as you see, we did the right thing.  Besides that my day was pretty chill.

Oh! Antonio called me out of the blue today.

I didn't think I'd hear from him so soon.  I saw him this Wednesday.  Unfortunately the call wasn't anything longer than thirty seconds because he had to do something.  He said he'd call me sometime later in the night when he could give me his full attention.  If he does, wonderful.  If he doesn't, there's always other days.  

Is he gonna stay around?  I hope so!  LOL, oh!  Did I tell you he's housesitting for his friend next week and he invited to stay over if I wanted.  I think I left quite an impression.  Or maybe I'm just that good in bed.  Regardless of his motives I'm definitely gonna try and make him my SummerBoy.

Enough with the frivolity.  It's time to get down to some "Words of Wisdom."

"Remember to smile because joy is contagious.  Make strangers into friends and think of a world where fear is obsolete.  Create a life of courtesy, serenity, and happiness for yourself.  Be kind to others and the world will smile back."

I created a similar version of today's "Words of Wisdom" for my Little Little (my protege's protege) in Red Caps (University of Hartford's spectacular Summer Orientation program) to share with as many Red Caps as he could so they would have something inspirational to pep them into the third session of Orientation. (LOOOOOOVE YOU LITTLE LITTLE! I hope you delivered the message.  If not, it doesn't matter.  You got to see it and I still love you.)

Well duckies, this post is coming to an end.  But I have good news.  I've decided that since I have such free time on my hands that I should make my blog daily again, blogging Monday-Friday starting June 11, 2012!

Tell your friends! Follow my blog. (Look at the sidebar it shows you how to become an official follower. It's so easy.) You know you want to. Spread the gospel of Gabriel Anderson's sassy and inspirational adventures.

With that being said, I'll see you guys on Monday with some new sassy stories and tons of love.  

I love you for reading.

Stay Sassy.

-Gabriel Anderson

I Like It Rough

Good morning duckies!
I hope all is well because that's how everyday should be. I just got to work not too long ago and I feel amazing. I slept for more than 7 hours last night!
Wooooooooooh!

Yay, go me!
Anywho, while I was on the train I saw two of the most random things: a guy with a incredibly pronounced moose knuckle and a penny-pinching lady!
I saw Ms. Penny first.

I was sitting on the train reading Toni Morrison's "The Bluest Eye," behind my GaGa-inspired shades: they hinder the paparazzi from poisoning my eyes with blinding lights and glares.

Ms. Penny, who was sitting directly across from me on the 6 train, was hardcore jamming to whatever tunes she had on her iPod. Her convulsive movements kept luring my eyes from my book so I decided to give her my undivided attention, while hiding behind my sunglasses.
As the train door opens someone ran out of the train doors (it's New York, it's expected) and dropped a penny in their rush.
Ms. Penny stopped her sporadic dancing and lightning-grabbed the penny. (I swear she caught it before it fell to the ground.)
At first I found it comical that she reacted so viciously quick to something as minute as a penny. But then I realized she made a bold move.

Nowadays, pennies aren't appreciated as much as they used to be, because they can hardly get you anything. They're only good for that irksome thing we call "taxes." With our economy in its current state Ms. Penny was only showing her gratitude for pennies. Pennies, believe it or not, are still accepted by merchants. I don't pick up pennies--unless they're really shiny and are heads-up--but Ms. Penny's actions showed me that small treasures and opportunities are everywhere: we just need to know where to look.

Shortly after Ms. Penny's lightning-grab, a guy wearing a "Print Industries" button-up work shirt walks into the train car and sat right next to Ms. Penny. His hair was braided haphazardly and he--like Ms. Penny--decided the train wasn't only a mode of transportation but also a dance rehearsal venue. He was jamming pretty rough, while reading the New York Times. He was jamming so rough that I had to pause from reading on several occasions to stare at him lol. It was very entertaining...but what I saw next scared me.
When he raised his New York Times I saw his well-pronounced moose knuckle. (For you duckies unaware of what a moose knuckle is, a moose knuckle is a frontal wedgie--predominately produced by men--that occurs when your pants hug your genitals a little too much. It resembles a moose's knuckle.)

Anywho, I often find myself staring at crotch's of men and women but moose knuckles are peculiar cases. It's like watching child birth: nauseating, intriguing, stomach-wrenching, enticing, and just plain wrong.
It wasn't the fact that he was well-endowed that kept me astonished and gazing. It was the fact that it looked painful and he must have known his genitals were being hugged more than a Care Bear hugging a rainbow. If he didn't know, I'll keep him in my thoughts. Mr. Moose Knuckle, I wish you the best with shopping for snugger underwear and bigger pants.

In other news, I feel like I need to start working out again.

The last time I remember working out at the gym was December...it's almost July. Wow, I just realized I've been a lazy-ass for seven months...but a productive lazy-ass nonetheless lol. I mean I did choreograph a dance and have been dancing all summer but that's not the same. I want to increase my endurance, stamina and my inner-core strength before the summer is over. Not to mention, my birthday is coming up: August 19th. (I will be expecting gifts duckies lol).

Speaking of summer, I have another SummerBoy update!

As of yesterday, I'm reviewing a SummerBoy application of this hot dude that lives on the same street as me (he lives no more than thirty feet away from my house). He's funny and rough. By rough, I mean this dude is a dude: straight-up hardcore, masculine, "you-would-never-think-I'm-gay-until-you-catch-me-messing-around-with-your-gay-best-friend" kind of dude. His name is Nigel.
The only bad thing about him is he lives so close to me. He texted me this morning, calling me Mr. Purple Shirt.
Duckies, I'm wearing a purple shirt today!!! That's a little creepy...and hot.
He's only going to be in New York for a couple of months. Nigel is from Florida and he recently inured himself at work, hence him moving out to New York to recover and relax. He says he's fine though. And I don't mind having a sexy neighbor around for the summer. I'm good at helping hotties recover. lol (That was dirty!)

Enough of that! Let's get to some "Words of Wisdom."

"In order to truly appreciate something, you have to understand the circumstances of your life in its absence. Without experiencing the loss of something, you will never really know how credible and invaluable things are to you. Hold onto to your darlings, your "everythings"--even the little things--and show them your relentless gratitude."

Okay duckies, it's time for me to get some work done. I'm going to try to finish four lengthy submissions today. Wish me luck.

I wish you the best of happiness. I love you. Stay true and tuned.

Live, love & Lady Gaga
Gabriel Anderson

When In Doubt, Dress Accordingly

Hello duckies. I should be reading for class right now but I like doing my work right before class. It's not procrastinating if you plan on doing it last minute. lol Anyway, this weekend was an experience to say the least. More importantly, I'd like to share my ultimate sass experience, which happened this past weekend.

So I was A-list party hopping this past weekend and I ran into a friend of mine, Millie. Millie was telling me that our mutual friend Skyler was at this party and she wanted me to come. I'm never up for missing a party. I walk Millie to the party and Skyler opens the door and hugs Millie, only to converse with her. I try to spark a conversation between the two of us:

Me: "Hey Skyler. What's up? Are you gonna let me in?"
Skyler: Hugging Millie into the door's threshold, "You weren't invited."

Then he slammed the door in my face!



At first I thought this was play-sass but after waiting outside the door for 30 seconds I found out that Skyler wasn't joking. He didn't let me in. I texted him telling him he was dead to me...which is true. You're dead to me Skyler.

So the next day he tries apologizing to me ("I'm sorry. I was drunk and it wasn't my party. I was a guest.") but I'm not hearing it because he only tried apologizing to me through other people or only when other people are around. Fcuk you Skyler. If you were really sorry you would try to pull me to the side and apologize one-on-one. When negativity enters my life I dispose of it as soon as possible. Therefore, you're out of my life. I wish you the best Skyler.

In other news, I'm at the library right now and it's been so random today. Within the first twenty minutes of me sitting down one guy asks me:

"By any chance would you have an iPod charger?"

(It gets better.)

Then another guy starts a conversation with me:

Weirdo: "I don't have my school ID with me, could I borrow your card to print something?"
Me: "Ummm, I don't have any cash on mine, so no."

I really didn't have any cash on my school ID. But come on?! I never saw you a day in my life and you're asking me for money. HA! Nice one duckie.

I think Connecticut's aggravating me lately because I haven't been home in a month. I'm going through with withdrawals and I decided I'm gonna go home this Friday!



I'm so excited. I get to roam the city as late as I want. I get to hear hobos sing for money on the train. I get to hear Puerto Rican babies cry in grocery stores. I get to escape from this bubble they call Hartford! Yaaaaay!

But you know what I miss too? I miss working out.



I used to workout before my afternoon classes and I would feel so amazing afterwards. The endorphins would get me through the day and I was looking hot. Like hotter than I do now. (How marvelous is that?!) So yeah, I gotta hit the gym and finally start my "I'm-not-gonna-look-fat-in-my-21st-birthday-pics" diet."

Anywho, last night I made a new friend. His name is B! (like the E! Channel) and it was weird how close we got in the matter of hours. He's such a chill dude and we have eerily similar qualities.



It's always fun to befriend and to be around people who are actually doing things with their lives too. Amazing!

Oh! Duckies, I have a theory; listen up!
Mondays suck right? Well pretty much every weekday sucks (except Friday). So I figured something out so weekdays are bearable. When in doubt, dress accordingly.

Dress how you want to feel, whether it's sexy, distinguished, shy...whatever. If you dress how you feel your garments will send out messages (of your choice) to the universe and they will be answered. Try it!

Okay, I've waited long enough to give you some "Words of Wisdom." Here it is:

"Never assume the motives of others. People function off of different principles and no one is the same. Feel things out before you prematurely judge another. And you know what they say when you assume; you make an ass out of yourself and I point and laugh."
(Well that's what I say about assuming lol.)

Anywho duckies, I need to get back to my homework. I wish you the best of happiness. Stay true.

Peace, love & Obama,
Gabriel Anderson

Pretty Duckies

Hello there. For the past few weeks I've been trying to find something unique to call everyone, something that no one else will use. While reading, one of my favorite characters (Byron) from my favorite author's (Laurell K. Hamilton) Anita Blake series, called Anita "duckie." And that's when it came to me.



I'll call everyone duckies!
Yaaay duckies! Anyway, work was slow today. It felt like everybody was a zombie.



I have ten days left of my internship with HarperCollins. I just learned how to use the coffee machine and soon I'll have to start paying for my own midday coffee surge. Oh well, life goes on.

Speaking of moving on, on my way home (to the train station) this dude was walking so slow with his girlfriend. So being a true New York pedestrian...I cut him off. I don't know if it was intentional but this dude...



steps on the back of my foot. Not like "I'm stumbling because you stepped on my heel" kind of footstep but like "this dude is playing footsies with my ankle." I wanted to punch him in the face. But I moved on with my life because I have a future.

But the sass doesn't end there. A few train stops before my stop, a bum decided to sit across from me. I'm cool with it; everyone can't have style and soap. So this bum decides to take out this meal (it smelled sooooo good by the way) and he makes a complete mess. After his meal he starts flicking the food debris off of his pants...in my direction.



And bum dude knew what he was doing because he was looking right at me. Who is your mother, Mr. Bum? I wanna speak to her...then smack her in the face for letting you come on the train looking a mess. And to top it all off you wanna fling your leftovers at an A-Listers feet. The bummy nerve! I'm glad I didn't give him the change in my pocket. Now I can use my change so a Starkbucks barista can fling a Caramel Machiatto in my direction, tomorrow morning.

I've been sticking to my "I'm-not-gonna-look-fat-in-my-21st-birthday-pictures" diet. I ate reasonable amounts of food and did an intense hour of exercise. (You know I had to throw some Beyonce up in there lol).



Speaking of being bootylicious, let's get to the quote of the day for January 6th:

"Never let negativity stop you from doing as you please. As long as you hold onto to your dream and see it through, nothing can stop you." (Not even a food-flinging bum).

With that being said it's time for me to go to bed. I got to go pick out a bum-repellent outfit for tomorrow lol. I wish you the best of happiness. Stay true duckies.

Peace, love & Obama,
Gabriel Anderson